I've been searching for the longest time for a place to begin...
the life in which I should call mine, inspired by a hazy ora.
I find myself just jumping the gun
just looking to be done
with this search...oh when is it over?
To find independence and stability...
to find not the needle ,but a certain piece of hay within the hay stack.
The search to begin has happened over and over,
every time I think I've found it...
there I go pushed back to start, forced to start over.
Except I am not a piece of plastic within a board game
more like a hamster running on a wheel,but for what gain?
Once again finding a place to begin again...
a new set of friends inside of a new city...
I think to myself " LOL the fun never ends."
I set myself up,
pretending to be cautiously sober
from the depression that trapped me inside of such a hellish roller coaster.
As I begin to find a place to begin again,
here they come my father's words...shit..
"Just dig yourself out of the whole, that you've dug."
**** I wasn't supposed to remember that part!
...Not in my place to begin again.
I'll just have to retrace my steps...let's go back to the start
"I once was a girl with depression, but I decided to get over it through repression, and here we are today, not to remember your father's words of blame...don't remember that, it's not important." (Rant over)
A voice says: Hi, welcome back Adrian
this is your place to begin again
and if not...
Well it's about time depression left you dead.
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 12:21 AM UTC
I've been searching for the longest time for a place to begin...
the life in which I should call mine, inspired by a hazy ora.
I find myself just jumping the gun
just looking to be done
with this search...oh when is it over?
To find independence and stability...
to find not the needle ,but a certain piece of hay within the hay stack.
The search to begin has happened over and over,
every time I think I've found it...
there I go pushed back to start, forced to start over.
Except I am not a piece of plastic within a board game
more like a hamster running on a wheel,but for what gain?
Once again finding a place to begin again...
a new set of friends inside of a new city...
I think to myself " LOL the fun never ends."
I set myself up,
pretending to be cautiously sober
from the depression that trapped me inside of such a hellish roller coaster.
As I begin to find a place to begin again,
here they come my father's words...shit..
"Just dig yourself out of the whole, that you've dug."
**** I wasn't supposed to remember that part!
...Not in my place to begin again.
I'll just have to retrace my steps...let's go back to the start
"I once was a girl with depression, but I decided to get over it through repression, and here we are today, not to remember your father's words of blame...don't remember that, it's not important." (Rant over)
A voice says: Hi, welcome back Adrian
this is your place to begin again
and if not...
Well it's about time depression left you dead.
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