I’m defeated.
Insomnia wraps its hold on me, making sure I’m aware of just how trapping its grasp is.
This is another continuous replay of how I live in the home in my mind.
I want to evict, run for the hill but like the hideous demons that slave me,
my thoughts are one of them.
I knew it was wrong.
I wanted to stop, look away, go back.
I wanted to do anything but what I’m doing right now.
I’m not.
I am doing this.
no, I did this.
moments pass feeling more and more like years looped around.
there is a sensory overload, then silence.
however, I open my eyes and all I hear now is screams.
tears drop.
I internally feel the battle repeating.
two tears drop, three tears drop,
the screams cease to stop.
the screams are mine.
I gasp for air in what feels like centuries later hoping what I did, what happed was a dream.
it wasn't.
it was all just too surreal.
May 25, 2019
May 25, 2019 at 2:09 PM UTC
I’m defeated.
Insomnia wraps its hold on me, making sure I’m aware of just how trapping its grasp is.
This is another continuous replay of how I live in the home in my mind.
I want to evict, run for the hill but like the hideous demons that slave me,
my thoughts are one of them.
I knew it was wrong.
I wanted to stop, look away, go back.
I wanted to do anything but what I’m doing right now.
I’m not.
I am doing this.
no, I did this.
moments pass feeling more and more like years looped around.
there is a sensory overload, then silence.
however, I open my eyes and all I hear now is screams.
tears drop.
I internally feel the battle repeating.
two tears drop, three tears drop,
the screams cease to stop.
the screams are mine.
I gasp for air in what feels like centuries later hoping what I did, what happed was a dream.
it wasn't.
it was all just too surreal.
how do you heal yourself when the things you need healing from are inside you?..
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