What's the word?

cassiopeia_nap Poems

Am I seeing the doors Or are they traps? Are they mirrors, Or are they windows? When I ask myself The questions seem to stick to the inside of my mind Cluttering every corner Filling me up like confetti Shredded mental notes Clogging my pipes I know these are important questions So I can not flush them Like a detective I search yet It feels as though the pursuit Itself With the magnifying glass and label maker Calm some ancient itch the subtle scent of the foxes tail That never fails to keep me turning Till I'm right back at square One My arrow never finding its target It always escapes my finger tips As though I'm letting it go By holding it too tightly But no, it's got its hands around me And it stuffs me down the pipes It's distracting me Yet it claws at the inside of my walls It's dying to get out To find it's purpose To find it's name Like a curse It escapes me And that is the game I play Is it a door Leading me further inside Is it the window Allowing me a glimpse into myself Is it a trap, I know so well That keep me coming back to the beginning of this Maze Is it a mirror ? Please no God no Is it the truth I've been avoiding As if facing it would label me Incompetent Worthless Stupid beyond reason But then would it really be MY mirror My old friend Surely we're on better terms than that Yet the mail keeps coming in And I can only shred up my past so quickly I might as well burn it Plunge a torch of reason into my pipes Write a new story with the ashes And tears as my ink I create myself daily with the actions I take So maybe this mirror is ***** and my windows are tinted and I see this now I certainly know what my traps are I set them up so neatly So maybe I can stop leaving them Out in the open I can start leaving them Out by the door So that when this hate mail comes piling in it can hit a trap before it ever hits my floors And then maybe I'll find a key For all these locked doors So when I come back to that mirror I'll say thank you for the lessons But I don't need them anymore I came to you for answers and he reaches through my core and says you've got this inside you As he pulls a string that leads to more I see it now, his last lesson The key is me And what's more The doors are everywhere No more windows No more walls No floors Everything is a god **** door Not everyone unlocked But that is what I am for