Am I seeing the doors
Or are they traps?
Are they mirrors,
Or are they windows?
When I ask myself
The questions seem to stick
to the inside of my mind
Cluttering every corner
Filling me up like confetti
Shredded mental notes
Clogging my pipes
I know these are important questions
So I can not flush them
Like a detective I search yet
It feels as though the pursuit Itself
With the magnifying glass and label maker
Calm some ancient itch
the subtle scent of the foxes tail
That never fails to keep me turning
Till I'm right back at square
One
My arrow never finding its target
It always escapes my finger tips
As though I'm letting it go
By holding it too tightly
But no, it's got its hands around me
And it stuffs me down the pipes
It's distracting me
Yet it claws at the inside of my walls
It's dying to get out
To find it's purpose
To find it's name
Like a curse
It escapes me
And that is the game I play
Is it a door
Leading me further inside
Is it the window
Allowing me a glimpse into myself
Is it a trap, I know so well
That keep me coming back
to the beginning of this Maze
Is it a mirror ?
Please no God no
Is it the truth I've been avoiding
As if facing it would label me
Incompetent
Worthless
Stupid beyond reason
But then would it really be MY mirror
My old friend
Surely we're on better terms than that
Yet the mail keeps coming in
And I can only shred up my past so quickly
I might as well burn it
Plunge a torch of reason into my pipes
Write a new story with the ashes
And tears as my ink
I create myself daily
with the actions I take
So maybe this mirror is *****
and my windows are tinted
and I see this now
I certainly know what my traps are
I set them up so neatly
So maybe I can stop leaving them
Out in the open
I can start leaving them
Out by the door
So that when this hate mail comes piling in
it can hit a trap before
it ever hits my floors
And then maybe I'll find a key
For all these locked doors
So when I come back to that mirror
I'll say thank you for the lessons
But I don't need them anymore
I came to you for answers
and he reaches through my core
and says you've got this inside you
As he pulls a string that leads to more
I see it now, his last lesson
The key is me
And what's more
The doors are everywhere
No more windows
No more walls
No floors
Everything is a god **** door
Not everyone unlocked
But that is what I am for
Dec 25, 2025
Dec 25, 2025 at 2:20 AM UTC
Her eyes
Perceptive and honest
Unable to hold back
Witty remarks that smack
As she fights to hide a chortle
Grey Green with Gold flakes
That shimmer when you talk
Wild eyes that always wonder
Scanning for threats
On the perimeter of my mind
Calling out any sad intruder
Your eyes
Pull me in like an undercurrent
I soften as they grow greener
They glimmer like fireflies
When you talk about mother nature
Oh the things they must have seen
To need such a perceptive feature
How stubborn my intention
to let them rest
let them waver
Gift you the freedom from hesitation
To become a softer creature
Under her gaze
I claim power
Calm and confident
Because feeling seen
Has never once felt familiar
So I'll entertain you
on Green, Grey days
When summer storms tease
And 9-5 feels like forever
Under the full moon
Tossing and turning you
I felt a spark
Because I know
your eyes see me
Even in the dark
May 13, 2025
May 13, 2025 at 4:43 AM UTC
Oh how I cling
each rule/each limit/each principle
Calms a fractured self
Fools it into thinking
it is still capable of wholeness.
Chains and fences and harsh lines
Built up so neatly
As if
Proximity to perfection
is synonymous with safety
A truer guideline
Lets us fail
And meet our limits
meet our shadows
connect with our friend humility.
to be critical
Has no reward
Mar 23, 2025
Mar 23, 2025 at 3:43 PM UTC
Sometimes I forgot
why I hold my breathe
but I do it anyways.
It's more out of habit,
like how my cat licks herself
a thousand mindless times.
But sometimes,
I remember!
I am so lucky to have these lungs,
to have this chance.
I remember, to be gentle
to myself.
Aug 3, 2021
Aug 3, 2021 at 10:18 AM UTC
no,
I am not a gate keeper
and if I was
I'd be a bad one at best.
Loose screws and chicken wire
am I nothing more than a broken fence
for every boundary I appeal
stirs up your defenses
why is my heart so open
And your head so dense
digging into my soil
Your hands are so greedy
Yet you tell me I'm needy?
My garden is a sacred space
And it has no room for a nosey mole
Feeding off insecurity
Someone call pest control
Or better yet
Let's fix this fence
Apr 17, 2020
Apr 17, 2020 at 11:14 AM UTC
it's never too early to pack up your whole life
of memories and hopeless grudges.
Pounds of paint
scraps of metal
half read medical books
screws and nails
I'm moving out tomorrow
and boy am I excited
to pack myself up
to stop sleeping in this coffin
With a future that's unforeseeable
and a past that's unchangeable.
Now to ***** the backyard
with my steady hands
with potting soil
and dream seeds
Jul 23, 2019
Jul 23, 2019 at 7:03 PM UTC
I need rehab from you, and I’m sorry
but this isn’t healthy.
Admitting being a problem is sobering
And I hope you can recover from my withdrawal.
I’ll be busy detoxing myself,
For everyone after you.
But mostly for myself.
I hope you remember how great you are!!
As I try to forget all the poison you gave me
I'll be cheering you on from a far!!
& revising the scripts I tell myself
So that one day I'll stop playing the role
You put me in
And I'll start living
For myself again
Jan 30, 2019
Jan 30, 2019 at 12:04 AM UTC
I know not what I am
But I sure as hell am scared
Sometimes I catch a glimpse
and wish I had not dared.
I haven't been myself I mumbled,
it's been a short 4 years.
Yet everyday I am humbled!
to be honest with my fears!
Surviving off whats left of my self loathing
are the devilish voices that I used to feed.
Watering my mind's garden is refreshing
and THAT'S the energy that I need!
Nov 26, 2018
Nov 26, 2018 at 12:08 PM UTC
I don't want to be made
to feel broken
For wearing my heart out on my sleeve.
Stop making me feel broken
for wearing my heart out on my sleeve.
But I would like to thank you
For making me feel complete.
I have finally noticed
That I am all that I need.
Nov 19, 2018
Nov 19, 2018 at 3:13 AM UTC
be with someone who starts a fire
brings the kindle
glows when you are near
and brags about your warmth
not someone who retreats
when you crackle
be with someone who wants to sink deeper
than the choppy surface
behind your sarcasm
beyond the distance
and still sees your worth
not someone whose scared
by your preferences
Nov 17, 2018
Nov 17, 2018 at 5:29 PM UTC