can you pick me up?

bilemiyorumidi Poems

mom, i don’t want to come home on the break. i notice how coldly dad talks to me now— he just says "whatever" and lets me be. i think he’s tired of me. mom, i don’t think my brother likes me anymore. he hasn’t spoken to me much since he had a girlfriend anyway. we used to be best friends. why aren’t you mad that he’s in paris with her, but you throw a fit about me not saving? mom, you and i used to be best friends. now it feels like the times i was anorexic and you threatened to jump off from the eleventh floor. i don't know why things don't go back to normal. i know you love me, but i don’t think you like me anymore. you’re mourning the girl i used to be, but i’ve never felt so me. mom, i feel like i’m slipping away from you and dad. i don’t know how to come back. i heard you shouting in the background when dad called me today. i don’t want you to hate me anymore, when i had just begun to like myself. mom, i’m scared, and i feel so guilty all the time now. i’m sorry you’re working this much. i think you see me as a lost cause. i don’t know what more i am supposed to be doing. i don’t know how to satisfy you. mom, you had wondered why i lost my mind when i stopped talking to my best friend. you tried so hard to deny the weight of it, and i can never tell you the truth— but did you know my girl taught me how to puke? my brother said you’re afraid i’ll throw my life away, but i’ve spent my food money on pilates classes this month. i don’t feel like eating anyway. i swear i’m not smoking and drinking anymore. i’m so scared of losing control again. mom, i’m buying a ticket for next week. can you pick me up from the airport?