Things had gotten better for a while
the thoughts had gotten just a bit quieter
the stuttering just a bit smaller
the visions of the people dying less frequent
the future not seeming so bleak
I don't want to die anymore I proclaimed shedding tears
discovering you can cry even in happiness, which is just so weird
Living didn't seem like an improbable anomaly
but then where did i go wrong?
why are the colors leaking?
was it when the meds stopped
perhaps the day when i woke up later than usual
breaking my promise to myself to go to class even if it felt unusual
wake up i shout to myself
yet my body it refuses to listen
a puppet controlled by someone else
stuck with two personalities fighting for so little
talking to myself like a deranged maniac
with an amount of sanity so miniscule
I wish to just hide in a corner
waste away wishing I was no longer
pathetic, i tell myself
you're stronger than this
Improvement isn't linear after all
there will be rough patches in between
overall things are so much better
aren't you finally eating three meals
the constant imagination of you dying by your own hands
nothing but almost a forgotten dream
things will get better cause they always have
as you take steps to stop the downward sloping graph
wake up and take a sip of water
don't dwell in your thoughts they'll drag you down
using the mask of rationality to hide away the doubts
your brain is lying to you don't listen to it
its a trap you should get used to it
can't trust myself what do I even do
weather this storm
cause you will fly even farther through
Feb 20
Feb 20, 2026 at 4:10 PM UTC
Things had gotten better for a while
the thoughts had gotten just a bit quieter
the stuttering just a bit smaller
the visions of the people dying less frequent
the future not seeming so bleak
I don't want to die anymore I proclaimed shedding tears
discovering you can cry even in happiness, which is just so weird
Living didn't seem like an improbable anomaly
but then where did i go wrong?
why are the colors leaking?
was it when the meds stopped
perhaps the day when i woke up later than usual
breaking my promise to myself to go to class even if it felt unusual
wake up i shout to myself
yet my body it refuses to listen
a puppet controlled by someone else
stuck with two personalities fighting for so little
talking to myself like a deranged maniac
with an amount of sanity so miniscule
I wish to just hide in a corner
waste away wishing I was no longer
pathetic, i tell myself
you're stronger than this
Improvement isn't linear after all
there will be rough patches in between
overall things are so much better
aren't you finally eating three meals
the constant imagination of you dying by your own hands
nothing but almost a forgotten dream
things will get better cause they always have
as you take steps to stop the downward sloping graph
wake up and take a sip of water
don't dwell in your thoughts they'll drag you down
using the mask of rationality to hide away the doubts
your brain is lying to you don't listen to it
its a trap you should get used to it
can't trust myself what do I even do
weather this storm
cause you will fly even farther through
I really do wish there was more awareness regarding mental illness especially in my country but hey I'm one of the lucky ones actually getting support regarding this (thank god for my family) but a part of me still does feel like its all mumbo jumbo and I'm just being a bit dramatic. Oh well it is what it is.
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