I closed my eyes once and dreamt,
I dreamt of the end of the beginning,
Of a breaking tide untouched by pain,
Of streets of gold. Heaven.
I wandered through that world of gold,
Until I came upon a narrow bridge.
A few small steps—and there I stood,
Suspended in its silent middle.
Before me, figures moved toward me. Falling.
I lingered there, confused, unknowing,
Why they fell, while I walked untouched.
More souls slipped past me, endlessly—
All but a single, quiet girl.
She came to me, smiled, and took my hand.
“Come,” she said, “you do not need to see.”
Yet still I looked: left, right, beneath.
And there they were:
Faceless voices, crying out in pain.
She saw the doubt within my eyes and spoke:
“Judgment has come. These souls were lost.”
But something in me would not yield,
Because there had been evil in me.
So I walked on, still holding to the light,
Believing in a goodness far beyond my sight,
Yet softly, deep within my heart, I prayed
That mercy reached further than I could understand.
Apr 2
Apr 2, 2026 at 1:20 PM UTC
Things had gotten better for a while
the thoughts had gotten just a bit quieter
the stuttering just a bit smaller
the visions of the people dying less frequent
the future not seeming so bleak
I don't want to die anymore I proclaimed shedding tears
discovering you can cry even in happiness, which is just so weird
Living didn't seem like an improbable anomaly
but then where did i go wrong?
why are the colors leaking?
was it when the meds stopped
perhaps the day when i woke up later than usual
breaking my promise to myself to go to class even if it felt unusual
wake up i shout to myself
yet my body it refuses to listen
a puppet controlled by someone else
stuck with two personalities fighting for so little
talking to myself like a deranged maniac
with an amount of sanity so miniscule
I wish to just hide in a corner
waste away wishing I was no longer
pathetic, i tell myself
you're stronger than this
Improvement isn't linear after all
there will be rough patches in between
overall things are so much better
aren't you finally eating three meals
the constant imagination of you dying by your own hands
nothing but almost a forgotten dream
things will get better cause they always have
as you take steps to stop the downward sloping graph
wake up and take a sip of water
don't dwell in your thoughts they'll drag you down
using the mask of rationality to hide away the doubts
your brain is lying to you don't listen to it
its a trap you should get used to it
can't trust myself what do I even do
weather this storm
cause you will fly even farther through
Feb 20
Feb 20, 2026 at 4:10 PM UTC
A magicians trick they call it
then why do i feel
as though everyone sees it
a phrase meant to show how unreal things are
but the things they describe are as real as can be
their effects tangible, visceral and oh so terrible
affecting our lives in ways unimaginable
if we believe enough will it all become real?
yet it is all in the end
smoke and mirrors
Feb 14
Feb 14, 2026 at 6:16 PM UTC
yaar mein kyu hu esa
kaash mein koi aur hota
insaan nahi jaanwar
mard nahi pathar
yahi toh chaahte hai
dushman aur dost
kabhi kabhi ek keh lagte hai
hindi mein bolu toh lagu unpad
english mein toh faltu ka show baaz ghanchakar
chahta toh mein bhi hoon
ki samajhle koi mujhe
par itna asaan nahi kyunki mein insaan nahi
kyu hu esa
asaan shabdo mein likhta
kaash gehra likh pata
kyun hu mein esa
insaan jesa
Feb 14
Feb 14, 2026 at 6:03 PM UTC