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tyler-gPoems
I carry the shallow weight of my own regrets. I carry the guilt of my mother who felt she could’ve done more for my grandmother. Nights spent, teary-eyed phone calls to the nursing home. I carry the comprehension of my father. Hundreds of times he’s defeated me at chess, at card games. I am his knowledge. I carry sorrow from soccer games lost and triumph from games won with the stench of wet grass and caked on mud still fresh in my memory. I carry the weight of high school, the pressure to get into college, the weight of rumors and the regret of not paying attention in class. Feeling hopeless and defeated when I fail a test, though I remember I can carry the power of success. I carry the daily jeers and spite of my peers and my teachers. I carry the burden of my mother’s size eight firmly up my *** when I don’t do what I’m told. I carry three-day weekends and the joy of a snow day. I carry my blood, my veins, my organs. I carry my bones, my cartilage, my flesh and my hair. I carry my beating heart and the sound it makes letting everyone around me and myself to know that I’m still very much alive. I carry the ability of perfect hindsight vision, the ability of blind foresight. I carry my friends, the pressure of their own burdens. I own the ability to make them smile, the ability to cheer them up when I don’t know how to help myself. I’ve carried some of them for as long as I can remember; some I can’t carry anymore, and some I’ve just started to carry. I carry love and passion; I carry hate and abhor. I carry confusion, delirium, nostalgia of days past. I carry insomnia and sleepless nights dreaming up at my ceiling of life to come. I carry my dreams, both physical and mental. I carry what I aspire to be. I carry photography, a story of my life through pictures, through captivity, through still frame. I carry my wishes. I carry the beach, the waves that crash down onto the shore and onto me and the salty residue that lands on my flesh and hair from staying out too long. I carry stupidity, I carry charm and I carry luck. I carry the regret of anonymity and the fear of being alone. We all carry that; no one wants to spend life alone. We carry expensive wedding bands and the pressure to say “Yes” and the hope that she’ll say it. I carry the everlasting gaze of older relatives, some who have passed on to a better world. They won’t have to carry anything anymore. I carry countless vacations and holidays spent with my cousins and the millions of laughs we have shared. I carry reminiscences of vacations and of meeting new people, people who I tried to stay in contact with, but alas, distance prevents friendship. I carry the knowledge of the traveled world and the confusion of the uninhabited, undiscovered land. I am a world traveler, I am a superhero; I am what I want to be and I carry that. I carry a tainted mind. A mind spoiled by politics, by war, greed and corruption of not only the government, but of my parents as well. I carry the ignorance of thinking I’m right and everyone else is wrong, the false sense that I know what is really going on in the world and that I, and I alone, can make a difference. I carry the benefit of living in a prosperous nation, a flourishing town. I carry the thought of uncertainty of impoverish nations and how they live everyday without food and water, while I sit here and type on my own personal laptop. I carry teenage angst. I carry thoughts and memories of former lovers. Some girls who have grown up to be different than what they once were, some who haven’t changed a bit. I carry the thoughts of wonder, should I have said something to her? I carry individualism, not being afraid of letting you know who I am and what I do. I am myself and if you can’t deal with it then you won’t have to carry me anymore. I no longer carry these words; my thought have been poured onto this paper. My future holds the risk of not knowing what I will carry tomorrow, but I know I will carry life. I know I may not be able to carry this all, but one thing is for certain: I will carry myself.
0
Dec 20, 2012
Dec 20, 2012 at 12:30 PM UTC
The Things I Carry
I carry the shallow weight of my own regrets. I carry the guilt of my mother who felt she could’ve done more for my grandmother. Nights spent, teary-eyed phone calls to the nursing home. I carry the comprehension of my father. Hundreds of times he’s defeated me at chess, at card games. I am his knowledge. I carry sorrow from soccer games lost and triumph from games won with the stench of wet grass and caked on mud still fresh in my memory. I carry the weight of high school, the pressure to get into college, the weight of rumors and the regret of not paying attention in class. Feeling hopeless and defeated when I fail a test, though I remember I can carry the power of success. I carry the daily jeers and spite of my peers and my teachers. I carry the burden of my mother’s size eight firmly up my *** when I don’t do what I’m told. I carry three-day weekends and the joy of a snow day. I carry my blood, my veins, my organs. I carry my bones, my cartilage, my flesh and my hair. I carry my beating heart and the sound it makes letting everyone around me and myself to know that I’m still very much alive. I carry the ability of perfect hindsight vision, the ability of blind foresight. I carry my friends, the pressure of their own burdens. I own the ability to make them smile, the ability to cheer them up when I don’t know how to help myself. I’ve carried some of them for as long as I can remember; some I can’t carry anymore, and some I’ve just started to carry. I carry love and passion; I carry hate and abhor. I carry confusion, delirium, nostalgia of days past. I carry insomnia and sleepless nights dreaming up at my ceiling of life to come. I carry my dreams, both physical and mental. I carry what I aspire to be. I carry photography, a story of my life through pictures, through captivity, through still frame. I carry my wishes. I carry the beach, the waves that crash down onto the shore and onto me and the salty residue that lands on my flesh and hair from staying out too long. I carry stupidity, I carry charm and I carry luck. I carry the regret of anonymity and the fear of being alone. We all carry that; no one wants to spend life alone. We carry expensive wedding bands and the pressure to say “Yes” and the hope that she’ll say it. I carry the everlasting gaze of older relatives, some who have passed on to a better world. They won’t have to carry anything anymore. I carry countless vacations and holidays spent with my cousins and the millions of laughs we have shared. I carry reminiscences of vacations and of meeting new people, people who I tried to stay in contact with, but alas, distance prevents friendship. I carry the knowledge of the traveled world and the confusion of the uninhabited, undiscovered land. I am a world traveler, I am a superhero; I am what I want to be and I carry that. I carry a tainted mind. A mind spoiled by politics, by war, greed and corruption of not only the government, but of my parents as well. I carry the ignorance of thinking I’m right and everyone else is wrong, the false sense that I know what is really going on in the world and that I, and I alone, can make a difference. I carry the benefit of living in a prosperous nation, a flourishing town. I carry the thought of uncertainty of impoverish nations and how they live everyday without food and water, while I sit here and type on my own personal laptop. I carry teenage angst. I carry thoughts and memories of former lovers. Some girls who have grown up to be different than what they once were, some who haven’t changed a bit. I carry the thoughts of wonder, should I have said something to her? I carry individualism, not being afraid of letting you know who I am and what I do. I am myself and if you can’t deal with it then you won’t have to carry me anymore. I no longer carry these words; my thought have been poured onto this paper. My future holds the risk of not knowing what I will carry tomorrow, but I know I will carry life. I know I may not be able to carry this all, but one thing is for certain: I will carry myself.
Written by
tyler-g
Dec 20, 2012
Dec 20, 2012 at 12:30 PM UTC
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