Fantasies do not exist.
That is why they ache.
That is why they call.
I summon them
even knowing
they never obey
the exact shape
I demand of them.
There is something obscene
in wanting like this:
wanting someone
not as they are,
but as they burn
when I close my eyes.
It will never feel
the way I imagine it.
And still…
there it is:
breathing,
vibrating,
trembling to exist
inside my mind.
I dream you
the way one dreams a sin.
I long for you
with my body before my soul.
You confuse me,
and that is your power.
I don’t know what to do
with these images
my mind lifts
above God Himself,
as if I could create
what He refused to grant me.
You wrap me
in an ancient fever,
in something I swore was buried.
You pull me from pain
not to save me,
but to remind me
that I am still alive.
Something wakes in me
when I think of you:
it is not love,
it is not peace,
it is hunger.
And my intuition
offers no redemption.
It whispers
that this will grow,
that it will claim me slowly,
that it does not seek calm…
It seeks to consume me.
Jan 29
Jan 29, 2026 at 1:46 AM UTC
Fantasies do not exist.
That is why they ache.
That is why they call.
I summon them
even knowing
they never obey
the exact shape
I demand of them.
There is something obscene
in wanting like this:
wanting someone
not as they are,
but as they burn
when I close my eyes.
It will never feel
the way I imagine it.
And still…
there it is:
breathing,
vibrating,
trembling to exist
inside my mind.
I dream you
the way one dreams a sin.
I long for you
with my body before my soul.
You confuse me,
and that is your power.
I don’t know what to do
with these images
my mind lifts
above God Himself,
as if I could create
what He refused to grant me.
You wrap me
in an ancient fever,
in something I swore was buried.
You pull me from pain
not to save me,
but to remind me
that I am still alive.
Something wakes in me
when I think of you:
it is not love,
it is not peace,
it is hunger.
And my intuition
offers no redemption.
It whispers
that this will grow,
that it will claim me slowly,
that it does not seek calm…
It seeks to consume me.
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