one of my earliest nightmares was the British red coats marching into my family's house and killing everyone but me.
My parents assured me that it was fine, that their little six year old would be alright, but then why am I still plagued by nightmares?
My family, friends, dying at the hands of a stranger wearing a hood that show scare younguns but then explain to me why I still reach to touch the ones I swear I've lost.
Or bolting upright in the middle of the night, seating, a soundless scream escaping my throat as I hit the ground hard only to realize
I'm on my bed,
somehow not dead even though this is the ninth time I've had this dream this month.
I'm ashamed to admit that I still sleep with a nightlight even though I know my parents are right and there is no reason to fear the dark night
But I still do.
Every sound startles my eyes into sight as I try to spot where I heard it from, only to discover that I have embodied terror.
In November I moved into my parents room and my dad moved to my bedroom
but somehow it didn't help the sense of doom I felt as I pull the covers over my body, waiting for the next boom of thunder.
Each night finds a new nightmare, whether it's mom dying or me holding a lifeless baby in my arms, crying it doesn't matter because
at least I know it's coming for me
not them.
I've started using concealer to hide the bags under my eyes because I'm barely surviving off two hours of sleep
A friend told me to sing worship songs in my room so 'the demons can't sleep either'
and that's one of the most satisfying four hours of sleep I've got.
just as I begin to wonder if the
nightmares have stopped coming
I get
three
in
one
night
myself, *****
mom, shot while I am tied in a chair,
and my best friend murdered, my ****** telling me later that it was because
"she was strong enough to say no"
once upon a time I had arms to hold me and a voice that spoke comfort when I woke, trembling,
but now those same arms and voice cause
so many
of the nightmares
I've learned to call dreams.
Apr 23
Apr 23, 2026 at 9:34 PM UTC
one of my earliest nightmares was the British red coats marching into my family's house and killing everyone but me.
My parents assured me that it was fine, that their little six year old would be alright, but then why am I still plagued by nightmares?
My family, friends, dying at the hands of a stranger wearing a hood that show scare younguns but then explain to me why I still reach to touch the ones I swear I've lost.
Or bolting upright in the middle of the night, seating, a soundless scream escaping my throat as I hit the ground hard only to realize
I'm on my bed,
somehow not dead even though this is the ninth time I've had this dream this month.
I'm ashamed to admit that I still sleep with a nightlight even though I know my parents are right and there is no reason to fear the dark night
But I still do.
Every sound startles my eyes into sight as I try to spot where I heard it from, only to discover that I have embodied terror.
In November I moved into my parents room and my dad moved to my bedroom
but somehow it didn't help the sense of doom I felt as I pull the covers over my body, waiting for the next boom of thunder.
Each night finds a new nightmare, whether it's mom dying or me holding a lifeless baby in my arms, crying it doesn't matter because
at least I know it's coming for me
not them.
I've started using concealer to hide the bags under my eyes because I'm barely surviving off two hours of sleep
A friend told me to sing worship songs in my room so 'the demons can't sleep either'
and that's one of the most satisfying four hours of sleep I've got.
just as I begin to wonder if the
nightmares have stopped coming
I get
three
in
one
night
myself, *****
mom, shot while I am tied in a chair,
and my best friend murdered, my ****** telling me later that it was because
"she was strong enough to say no"
once upon a time I had arms to hold me and a voice that spoke comfort when I woke, trembling,
but now those same arms and voice cause
so many
of the nightmares
I've learned to call dreams.
I have yet to perform this as a spoken word, but I hope someday I will be able to
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