how dare you? and how could you?

giarose Poems

yesterday night I looked in my old diary it was from 4th to 5th grade maybe my hand writing was messy but it still looked somewhat the same I still wrote my g's with a swoop on the end and I still wrote my t's like a keyboard was but it was a different version of me, I flipped far enough to a page 4/13/23 it read I still wrote the date at the corner of the page as if time wouldnt fly by fast but it did I read the page carefully, slowly, as if I read it too fast it would burn harder "I'm doing some things today, maybe he'll like me better this way," I knew what little me was writing and it hit me who hurt me this bad? who hurt a fifth grader so bad she felt the need to starve herself? for some stupid guy to like her? how could you make every page of her diary? that were supposed to be filled with stories and things that made her happy a track of how skinny she was becoming? I flipped to the next page it was a list of food and calories, next was a page of everything she ate and the numbers, next was a list of workouts, the next was a page about her mom starting to notice, how could you break her this bad? who could do this to a 10 year old? she was supposed to be with her friends happy, skipping, singing, dancing like she was the sunshine but you dimmed her light how could you do that? I saw every page of her explaining the numbers going down and down and I wish I could give her a hug then and there to take away the pen and hold her instead to let her cry into me instead of her pillow for once she was using writing as a weapon instead of a shield I finally flipped to the last page of the journal "its over, she likes him he likes her, its over I'm not enough I'll never be enough" and its sick to think after everything she did she never got him? but its sick to think she even did that in the first place for a boy.