Spending most of my life wanting it to end.
People reach out just out of concern now.
Although I can always reach out and talk.
I can walk.
Walk and wander.
Off too far some days.
And then I need to find a way back.
Because escaping doesn’t last in here, it often suffocates me.
So much that I pretend to fly.
On the trampoline.
But I feel it could swallow me completely.
And my body feels like a bag of cement.
So I drop it down.
Try to be one with the ground.
Absorb me.
My body.
One day I’ll be gone.
I keep telling that to myself.
But it’s foolish to go a lifetime trying to die.
But when it’s not what you need and it will never be yet you can’t leave completely.
What’s left to do other than escape?
From time to time I wander off far.
Everyday I wander.
Somewhere.
Far away from home, far away from peace.
Far from everything that hurts and everything that burns.
But I’m still burning.
And wandering.
Trying to find a way through everything.
I never take to same road back.
That’s boring.
Lonely.
I want to find something, someone.
Just to feel alive.
To make it worth it to wander and wander off far.
Because what’s the point of wandering if you don’t find anything?
2d ago
Jun 2, 2026 at 9:36 AM UTC
Spending most of my life wanting it to end.
People reach out just out of concern now.
Although I can always reach out and talk.
I can walk.
Walk and wander.
Off too far some days.
And then I need to find a way back.
Because escaping doesn’t last in here, it often suffocates me.
So much that I pretend to fly.
On the trampoline.
But I feel it could swallow me completely.
And my body feels like a bag of cement.
So I drop it down.
Try to be one with the ground.
Absorb me.
My body.
One day I’ll be gone.
I keep telling that to myself.
But it’s foolish to go a lifetime trying to die.
But when it’s not what you need and it will never be yet you can’t leave completely.
What’s left to do other than escape?
From time to time I wander off far.
Everyday I wander.
Somewhere.
Far away from home, far away from peace.
Far from everything that hurts and everything that burns.
But I’m still burning.
And wandering.
Trying to find a way through everything.
I never take to same road back.
That’s boring.
Lonely.
I want to find something, someone.
Just to feel alive.
To make it worth it to wander and wander off far.
Because what’s the point of wandering if you don’t find anything?
02-06-26
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