SharpenMiedema - Hello Poetry

Spending most of my life wanting it to end. People reach out just out of concern now. Although I can always reach out and talk. I can walk. Walk and wander. Off too far some days. And then I need to find a way back. Because escaping doesn’t last in here, it often suffocates me. So much that I pretend to fly. On the trampoline. But I feel it could swallow me completely. And my body feels like a bag of cement. So I drop it down. Try to be one with the ground. Absorb me. My body. One day I’ll be gone. I keep telling that to myself. But it’s foolish to go a lifetime trying to die. But when it’s not what you need and it will never be yet you can’t leave completely. What’s left to do other than escape? From time to time I wander off far. Everyday I wander. Somewhere. Far away from home, far away from peace. Far from everything that hurts and everything that burns. But I’m still burning. And wandering. Trying to find a way through everything. I never take to same road back. That’s boring. Lonely. I want to find something, someone. Just to feel alive. To make it worth it to wander and wander off far. Because what’s the point of wandering if you don’t find anything?

0

1d ago

Jun 2, 2026 at 9:36 AM UTC

Wandering off.

Spending most of my life wanting it to end. People reach out just out of concern now. Although I can always reach out and talk. I can walk. Walk and wander. Off too far some days. And then I need to find a way back. Because escaping doesn’t last in here, it often suffocates me. So much that I pretend to fly. On the trampoline. But I feel it could swallow me completely. And my body feels like a bag of cement. So I drop it down. Try to be one with the ground. Absorb me. My body. One day I’ll be gone. I keep telling that to myself. But it’s foolish to go a lifetime trying to die. But when it’s not what you need and it will never be yet you can’t leave completely. What’s left to do other than escape? From time to time I wander off far. Everyday I wander. Somewhere. Far away from home, far away from peace. Far from everything that hurts and everything that burns. But I’m still burning. And wandering. Trying to find a way through everything. I never take to same road back. That’s boring. Lonely. I want to find something, someone. Just to feel alive. To make it worth it to wander and wander off far. Because what’s the point of wandering if you don’t find anything?

36

Sing me a lullaby. Even though it’s morning time. Distract me from the noise. The buzzing of the air ventilation. Give me peace. Love me and tell me you’ll be with me through all of this horror. Always find a way like I will too to make it through everything. Just to see each other. Wake up with me in peace. Start the day slow. Let’s have a good day again, once more. Allow me to go if days are too painful, nights uncomfortable. My nervous system isn’t calm. Never. Working overtime. I’m not resting well. Shaking. Cramped. I’m sitting against the door for hours. Don’t leave me in agony. Like I used to be left before. Throughout my life so I’m exhausted, badly wired, in knots, curled up. Not strong sometimes. Lay me down. Don’t let me down. Let’s close our eyes and pretend we’re in a better place. And for now that’s just enough.

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May 12

May 12, 2026 at 4:22 AM UTC

Sing me a lullaby.

Sing me a lullaby. Even though it’s morning time. Distract me from the noise. The buzzing of the air ventilation. Give me peace. Love me and tell me you’ll be with me through all of this horror. Always find a way like I will too to make it through everything. Just to see each other. Wake up with me in peace. Start the day slow. Let’s have a good day again, once more. Allow me to go if days are too painful, nights uncomfortable. My nervous system isn’t calm. Never. Working overtime. I’m not resting well. Shaking. Cramped. I’m sitting against the door for hours. Don’t leave me in agony. Like I used to be left before. Throughout my life so I’m exhausted, badly wired, in knots, curled up. Not strong sometimes. Lay me down. Don’t let me down. Let’s close our eyes and pretend we’re in a better place. And for now that’s just enough.

27

I miss you, but I don’t miss the mornings in bed when you got up and I had to remind you that I needed to take my thyroid meds. That I had to wait about half an hour for breakfast and that I wanted to start slow. Take it easy. You always looked at me like I was crazy. You didn’t listen. I miss you, but I don’t miss how you crossed my boundaries. Over and over again, and I had to explain everything so many times. You never tried to see it from my side. It just wouldn’t land. You didn’t want any trouble. Only the good parts. And you took it. The good stuff. You also gave me a lot. But I can do without it. I wanted you and I wanted you to understand. And in some ways you did, but that was just when it was natural. When it came from your world. Only when you chose to be in my world, you would be in it. Only at your time. My speed was not valued. You didn’t like mine. You didn’t like it when it was difficult. Or you made it worse. So much worse. You tore up everything that was still right. You told me to leave when I had just arrived after traveling. You didn’t like my routines and you didn’t treat me well. But I miss how you felt. The connection. The dancing. But you are mean. You don’t care. You hurt me. You will hurt me so if I choose to be with you again, I choose to be hurt. And I deserve better.

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May 10

May 10, 2026 at 2:06 AM UTC

I miss you but I dont

I miss you, but I don’t miss the mornings in bed when you got up and I had to remind you that I needed to take my thyroid meds. That I had to wait about half an hour for breakfast and that I wanted to start slow. Take it easy. You always looked at me like I was crazy. You didn’t listen. I miss you, but I don’t miss how you crossed my boundaries. Over and over again, and I had to explain everything so many times. You never tried to see it from my side. It just wouldn’t land. You didn’t want any trouble. Only the good parts. And you took it. The good stuff. You also gave me a lot. But I can do without it. I wanted you and I wanted you to understand. And in some ways you did, but that was just when it was natural. When it came from your world. Only when you chose to be in my world, you would be in it. Only at your time. My speed was not valued. You didn’t like mine. You didn’t like it when it was difficult. Or you made it worse. So much worse. You tore up everything that was still right. You told me to leave when I had just arrived after traveling. You didn’t like my routines and you didn’t treat me well. But I miss how you felt. The connection. The dancing. But you are mean. You don’t care. You hurt me. You will hurt me so if I choose to be with you again, I choose to be hurt. And I deserve better.

36

Do not mourn me when I leave. This world did it. This experience. It was mine. And I’m glad to have been part of yours. Thank you.

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Apr 30

Apr 30, 2026 at 12:13 PM UTC

Thank you

Do not mourn me when I leave. This world did it. This experience. It was mine. And I’m glad to have been part of yours. Thank you.

6

Nowhere to go but in my own world. No one to see but I walk around. Nothing to create but space. I created a creature. I took my time. And now the creature is alive. Searching. 👾🧞♀️🧚🏻♂️🧜🏻💖

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Apr 27

Apr 27, 2026 at 8:25 AM UTC

Creating creature.

Nowhere to go but in my own world. No one to see but I walk around. Nothing to create but space. I created a creature. I took my time. And now the creature is alive. Searching. 👾🧞♀️🧚🏻♂️🧜🏻💖

8

Totally defeated. I traveled to be with you because you invited me. I wanted it to work. But you were too tired when I arrived. Worked hard that day. So I was too much. So I have to leave. You leave me. Again and again. Why did I keep hoping? Holding on. For a dream. Now even a nightmare can’t be this bad. Everything went out of hand. Torn apart now from ripping it out of my hands. It’s out of my hands again. I know I can’t let this happen again, I couldn’t take more.

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Apr 26

Apr 26, 2026 at 7:54 AM UTC

Final goodbye.

Totally defeated. I traveled to be with you because you invited me. I wanted it to work. But you were too tired when I arrived. Worked hard that day. So I was too much. So I have to leave. You leave me. Again and again. Why did I keep hoping? Holding on. For a dream. Now even a nightmare can’t be this bad. Everything went out of hand. Torn apart now from ripping it out of my hands. It’s out of my hands again. I know I can’t let this happen again, I couldn’t take more.

18

I want to live a life without any of these limits that are all around me. I want to see you when I can. I want to hug you everywhere. When all of this heaviness buries me inside the deepest pit I want to crawl out. And smile. Through the fire, I will just be smiling. My heart’s dancing. Warming up. Against your skin. I’m not so pure anymore. Like I used to be when I was young. Suffering, but always trying to hold on in pure love. Now I need strong poison. Somehow. I am killing myself slowly. I wish I had done it when I could quickly. But I never managed to, and I never drowned. My sorrow and my tiredness were strong, but somehow my heart wasn’t. Somehow, my heart even survived when it should not have. Now it’s black and dark red, blood stained but remains. Pounding up and down, like I am somehow reaching up from the pit in the ground that the world put me in. This world where I wanted to be buried in. But this soil even feels too wet to be buried in. When I lay my body down, it feels so heavy. I want to lie next to the willow tree, but there’s no willow tree here. This soil is not fitting. I’m sitting with my bare feet. But nothing feels ok. I’m just getting through this moment again and again. Until hopefully my dreams will be reality.

0

Apr 10

Apr 10, 2026 at 10:00 AM UTC

Far love

I want to live a life without any of these limits that are all around me. I want to see you when I can. I want to hug you everywhere. When all of this heaviness buries me inside the deepest pit I want to crawl out. And smile. Through the fire, I will just be smiling. My heart’s dancing. Warming up. Against your skin. I’m not so pure anymore. Like I used to be when I was young. Suffering, but always trying to hold on in pure love. Now I need strong poison. Somehow. I am killing myself slowly. I wish I had done it when I could quickly. But I never managed to, and I never drowned. My sorrow and my tiredness were strong, but somehow my heart wasn’t. Somehow, my heart even survived when it should not have. Now it’s black and dark red, blood stained but remains. Pounding up and down, like I am somehow reaching up from the pit in the ground that the world put me in. This world where I wanted to be buried in. But this soil even feels too wet to be buried in. When I lay my body down, it feels so heavy. I want to lie next to the willow tree, but there’s no willow tree here. This soil is not fitting. I’m sitting with my bare feet. But nothing feels ok. I’m just getting through this moment again and again. Until hopefully my dreams will be reality.

30

I have to travel to the city. I have to register in town. I need to shave my legs and… I need a routine that helps. Exercise and less stress. Not be drinking so much. Blocking out the noise. I need to save my poetry, so when I die people can read them maybe. I need to be ready for when my parents visit my new place. I need to talk to some people. I have to be brave again. I have to deal with this. This world is a sick joke. I’m sick of getting ready for the next round. I’m spinning. I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere, no end or beginning. Just spinning. I’m sitting. Stuck. I need to. Die.

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Apr 2

Apr 2, 2026 at 3:44 PM UTC

Stop

I have to travel to the city. I have to register in town. I need to shave my legs and… I need a routine that helps. Exercise and less stress. Not be drinking so much. Blocking out the noise. I need to save my poetry, so when I die people can read them maybe. I need to be ready for when my parents visit my new place. I need to talk to some people. I have to be brave again. I have to deal with this. This world is a sick joke. I’m sick of getting ready for the next round. I’m spinning. I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere, no end or beginning. Just spinning. I’m sitting. Stuck. I need to. Die.

21

Eaten by bugs. Strangled in hugs. I will always find a will. For love. I will not be locked away. From you or life. I’ll die for your embrace and chase the dream. Even though it’s impossible. In this world. It feels like I’m lost. But I can try. To still find some way to live. Before I die.

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Mar 23

Mar 23, 2026 at 12:20 PM UTC

Before I die

Eaten by bugs. Strangled in hugs. I will always find a will. For love. I will not be locked away. From you or life. I’ll die for your embrace and chase the dream. Even though it’s impossible. In this world. It feels like I’m lost. But I can try. To still find some way to live. Before I die.

13

There’s no painting, no poem, no note, no sound that my voice can make to express my despair. That’s how I feel. There’s no place to live. No home. Nowhere to find peace, love, freedom. No shelter, no food, no drinks. There’s an uncomfortable box. And they are pushing me in it.

0

Mar 23

Mar 23, 2026 at 4:59 AM UTC

No!

There’s no painting, no poem, no note, no sound that my voice can make to express my despair. That’s how I feel. There’s no place to live. No home. Nowhere to find peace, love, freedom. No shelter, no food, no drinks. There’s an uncomfortable box. And they are pushing me in it.

8