Grief is a funny feeling
especially when I'm grieving someone who is still alive
yesterday I hated you
the day before I was so mad at you that I oddly couldn't stop laughing
but today
right now
I cant seem to stop crying
I kind of miss you
but the you before everything happened
the you that I didn't loose
I wish I could have done something
anything
I know I was only fifteen
but there must have been something that I could have done or said
I miss you So much
I'm not sure when you stopped being the version of you that I once knew
Some days I wonder if she even existed
Grief is a funny feeling
It's something that I never understood before
I feel like It doesn't count as grief because you are still alive
yet all I seem to have left of you are the memories of us
the day on the beach is my favorite
wind in our hair
our matching hoodies that I will never wear again
you helped me get down to the sand because I had hurt my knee badly that same day
laughing at nothing
as my mom stood there taking photos of us
having the time of our lives
enjoying every single moment
I didn't know it then but
four months later I would help get you caught doing the thing that ruined us
I didn't do that to get you in trouble
I did that because I was worried
I needed you to stop
I wanted so badly to save you but just couldn't
I loved you
I couldn't help you
and that hurts
and I'm sorry
Apr 10
Apr 10, 2026 at 4:05 PM UTC
Grief is a funny feeling
especially when I'm grieving someone who is still alive
yesterday I hated you
the day before I was so mad at you that I oddly couldn't stop laughing
but today
right now
I cant seem to stop crying
I kind of miss you
but the you before everything happened
the you that I didn't loose
I wish I could have done something
anything
I know I was only fifteen
but there must have been something that I could have done or said
I miss you So much
I'm not sure when you stopped being the version of you that I once knew
Some days I wonder if she even existed
Grief is a funny feeling
It's something that I never understood before
I feel like It doesn't count as grief because you are still alive
yet all I seem to have left of you are the memories of us
the day on the beach is my favorite
wind in our hair
our matching hoodies that I will never wear again
you helped me get down to the sand because I had hurt my knee badly that same day
laughing at nothing
as my mom stood there taking photos of us
having the time of our lives
enjoying every single moment
I didn't know it then but
four months later I would help get you caught doing the thing that ruined us
I didn't do that to get you in trouble
I did that because I was worried
I needed you to stop
I wanted so badly to save you but just couldn't
I loved you
I couldn't help you
and that hurts
and I'm sorry
3:58 PM
" I wish that I could help you, but I can't do that. I can't."-David Sheff (Beautiful boy 2018)
I wish we could have watched that movie together.
