Tell the people that I love
that I'm sorry.
Sorry that the wounds on my skin will not be healing
sorry that my eyes will never be opening
sorry that the mess I leave behind requires a cleanup you can't solicit from me
sorry that I won't apologize anymore.
It feels like every time I pick up a pen to write
All that comes out in the light of day is sorries.
Maybe I should write poems in the dark
I wish I preferred the dark
but in reality all the dark means is another missed opportunity
at telling someone I love them.
I don't even know who I'd say it to
but maybe myself
if I ever got over the fear of rejection I will imminently face
staring at the mirror
whispering the words until love turns to hate
and I **** in my stomach and wipe off my tears
and I give into the headache that has never left my mind.
Tell the people I love that I was sick,
and I was angry,
but I'm done with all that because the minute my boxcutter met flesh the anger and the sick gave way to scars
- I am a master at making scars -
and ebbed at the shore of my life,
my life is the sea
AND I AM DROWNING.
Eons ago when I would spend time with friends I felt empowered and happy
but now when I do I realize that I am no longer new or shiny or even worthwhile
and my friend's crossover into being just an acquaintance kills me every time
even though I am waiting in line
to end the tortuous tiptoeing myself.
Tell the people I love
that I am not sorry,
just at rest,
sitting beneath the dark shade that death provides
steadily freezing to death in a bath tub full of ice because
ANYTHING is better than you making me feel like garbage again.
Tell the people I love
that screaming at my grave
would be better than bringing flowers
because at least I could have something real from you.
Tell the people I love
that love is not a race;
you don't need to be first to be winning.
Tell the people I love
that I know they love each other
too much to spare any love for me
and that's okay.
Tell the people I love I won't get in their way.
Tell the people I love I won't apologize
for this.
Jan 11, 2016
Jan 11, 2016 at 11:44 PM UTC
Tell the people that I love
that I'm sorry.
Sorry that the wounds on my skin will not be healing
sorry that my eyes will never be opening
sorry that the mess I leave behind requires a cleanup you can't solicit from me
sorry that I won't apologize anymore.
It feels like every time I pick up a pen to write
All that comes out in the light of day is sorries.
Maybe I should write poems in the dark
I wish I preferred the dark
but in reality all the dark means is another missed opportunity
at telling someone I love them.
I don't even know who I'd say it to
but maybe myself
if I ever got over the fear of rejection I will imminently face
staring at the mirror
whispering the words until love turns to hate
and I **** in my stomach and wipe off my tears
and I give into the headache that has never left my mind.
Tell the people I love that I was sick,
and I was angry,
but I'm done with all that because the minute my boxcutter met flesh the anger and the sick gave way to scars
- I am a master at making scars -
and ebbed at the shore of my life,
my life is the sea
AND I AM DROWNING.
Eons ago when I would spend time with friends I felt empowered and happy
but now when I do I realize that I am no longer new or shiny or even worthwhile
and my friend's crossover into being just an acquaintance kills me every time
even though I am waiting in line
to end the tortuous tiptoeing myself.
Tell the people I love
that I am not sorry,
just at rest,
sitting beneath the dark shade that death provides
steadily freezing to death in a bath tub full of ice because
ANYTHING is better than you making me feel like garbage again.
Tell the people I love
that screaming at my grave
would be better than bringing flowers
because at least I could have something real from you.
Tell the people I love
that love is not a race;
you don't need to be first to be winning.
Tell the people I love
that I know they love each other
too much to spare any love for me
and that's okay.
Tell the people I love I won't get in their way.
Tell the people I love I won't apologize
for this.
