The tears feel heavy
Laden with guilt
Indifference at first
Why would I care?
Why should I care,
After all, we haven't spoken in so long.
then emotions come crashing
Each tear a liquid embodiment of the grieving process:
Denial
Guilt
Anger
Guilt
Sadness
Guilt
Emptiness
Guilt
Sympathy
Guilt
Anger
Guilt
Bargaining
Guilt
Depression
Guilt
Floating
Guilt
Acceptance
Guilt
The last one hangs like a stalactite
In the cavern that was our friendship.
Multiple paths and routes
Sometimes a light in times of being lost
And others,
collapsed due to disagreements and anger.
Words shared in contempt, not for each other
But for situations and circumstances that unfolded.
Ones that drove you to madness and despair.
But,
What if I answered the calls,
what if I said hello
What if I just said yes
What if I just
What if I
What if.
What if
If
If only
If only I had done to do what I always boldly profess to be an advocate for.
(I should have been)
My brothers keeper.
If only we had shared another fleeting moment of presence
If only...
The thoughts that drag their lifeless feet through my mind the most;
the swamp of utter loneliness and despair
that drove you to this.
The bag of holding
that I couldn't imagine you were trying escape from.
To stare death down and open your arms,
Not gladly I am sure,
But as a last resort to being rejected by the ones you called friends and family.
We can all sit and say
"It wasn't only us"
As a cathartic means to a mortal end.
There were things you needed to sort out for yourself
but only seemed to seek the help you wanted.
Listening to those who told you what you wanted to hear,
not what you may have needed to hear.
Waiting for the magical words
Or a sentence
To fix everything,
But those words would never come.
Of this I had no control
but I still feel sorry I didn't try harder.
That I didn't do more
That I didn't call again
That I
didn't.
Just.
Say.
Hello.
Old friend, how are you?
Simple questions I used to ask you so frivolously
not thinking of how one day,
sooner rather than later,
that simple question's weight
And desire to ask it again,
would mean more than any other I could've ever asked you.
A deep scar in my heart
To simply be able to ask,
Once again;
How.Are.You.
"Out, ****** spot!
Out, I say!"
It plays on my mind
But unlike Macbeth
This isn't a stage
But the world.
And this tinge of blood
Will stain my hands
For the rest of my days.
From the depths of my heart though,
I hope you have found peace
Rest and comfort.
I hope the after world is as you imagined
And filled with symphonies that sooth
So that you can play weightlessly.
I will always miss you
Even though it feels like
I have no right to,
I wish I did more when I could.
I will always listen for you,
Forever in the melodies.
Mar 4
Mar 4, 2026 at 3:09 PM UTC
The tears feel heavy
Laden with guilt
Indifference at first
Why would I care?
Why should I care,
After all, we haven't spoken in so long.
then emotions come crashing
Each tear a liquid embodiment of the grieving process:
Denial
Guilt
Anger
Guilt
Sadness
Guilt
Emptiness
Guilt
Sympathy
Guilt
Anger
Guilt
Bargaining
Guilt
Depression
Guilt
Floating
Guilt
Acceptance
Guilt
The last one hangs like a stalactite
In the cavern that was our friendship.
Multiple paths and routes
Sometimes a light in times of being lost
And others,
collapsed due to disagreements and anger.
Words shared in contempt, not for each other
But for situations and circumstances that unfolded.
Ones that drove you to madness and despair.
But,
What if I answered the calls,
what if I said hello
What if I just said yes
What if I just
What if I
What if.
What if
If
If only
If only I had done to do what I always boldly profess to be an advocate for.
(I should have been)
My brothers keeper.
If only we had shared another fleeting moment of presence
If only...
The thoughts that drag their lifeless feet through my mind the most;
the swamp of utter loneliness and despair
that drove you to this.
The bag of holding
that I couldn't imagine you were trying escape from.
To stare death down and open your arms,
Not gladly I am sure,
But as a last resort to being rejected by the ones you called friends and family.
We can all sit and say
"It wasn't only us"
As a cathartic means to a mortal end.
There were things you needed to sort out for yourself
but only seemed to seek the help you wanted.
Listening to those who told you what you wanted to hear,
not what you may have needed to hear.
Waiting for the magical words
Or a sentence
To fix everything,
But those words would never come.
Of this I had no control
but I still feel sorry I didn't try harder.
That I didn't do more
That I didn't call again
That I
didn't.
Just.
Say.
Hello.
Old friend, how are you?
Simple questions I used to ask you so frivolously
not thinking of how one day,
sooner rather than later,
that simple question's weight
And desire to ask it again,
would mean more than any other I could've ever asked you.
A deep scar in my heart
To simply be able to ask,
Once again;
How.Are.You.
"Out, ****** spot!
Out, I say!"
It plays on my mind
But unlike Macbeth
This isn't a stage
But the world.
And this tinge of blood
Will stain my hands
For the rest of my days.
From the depths of my heart though,
I hope you have found peace
Rest and comfort.
I hope the after world is as you imagined
And filled with symphonies that sooth
So that you can play weightlessly.
I will always miss you
Even though it feels like
I have no right to,
I wish I did more when I could.
I will always listen for you,
Forever in the melodies.
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