Those starting over points,
when we need to try,
something new.
We didnt even know what that meant,
but we still tried.
And when the combination of friends
that we spent
every
waking
moment
with
got old, we decided it was time,
time for that something new.
We were like bad 90's T.V. shows to each other.
We would laugh and feel that bitter sweet sense of Nostalgia,
but when we parted ways we would all just realize,
that we were just trying to make the past real again.
Make those endless nights
linger a little longer.
Make the kisses
mean a little more.
......
All we were ever doing was fooling ourselves,
into thinking we were alive.
Into thinking we were in love.
Into thinking we were friends.
And when that fact became too noticeable,
we would switch,
rearrange,
and trade each other for another,
hoping that the one that left took the loneliness that haunted us all with them,
and the one that arrived brought the love we were all searching for with them.
.....but is always came back.....
For me,
I would notice when they started looking at me different,
as if they knew something they thought they shouldn't,
knew something that I didn't know.
And responses
would get short,
conversations
would cease to be interesting,
and then one day I would come by unannounced,
just like all the other times,
and find everyone there,
laughing together
looking happier than they had in weeks.
In that moment before I walked in,
everything was okay again,
everything was normal,
the loneliness had left.
Then when I walked into the room,
it was as if I I had just caught my love in bed with someone else,
a 'hand-in-the-cookie-jar' kind of moment.
I had become the bearer of all of their loneliness,
I had become the mirror reflecting the empty room
that they were always trying to fill.
So in this moment,
I would make one of two decisions;
leave
or sit down as if nothing was wrong,
and spend the nest week proving my worth
to a tribe who had already voted me off the island.
And part of me wants to say it wasn't just me,
that others would know exactly what I meant,
what I had felt,
but for the sake of the feelings,
of the reality
of
that
moment,
when I was the only one,
and no one else wanted to feel it,
that is where I want to be right now,
so that it can be felt,
so that after this,
noone and nothing
can ever trap me there again.
Aug 1, 2013
Aug 1, 2013 at 12:02 AM UTC
Those starting over points,
when we need to try,
something new.
We didnt even know what that meant,
but we still tried.
And when the combination of friends
that we spent
every
waking
moment
with
got old, we decided it was time,
time for that something new.
We were like bad 90's T.V. shows to each other.
We would laugh and feel that bitter sweet sense of Nostalgia,
but when we parted ways we would all just realize,
that we were just trying to make the past real again.
Make those endless nights
linger a little longer.
Make the kisses
mean a little more.
......
All we were ever doing was fooling ourselves,
into thinking we were alive.
Into thinking we were in love.
Into thinking we were friends.
And when that fact became too noticeable,
we would switch,
rearrange,
and trade each other for another,
hoping that the one that left took the loneliness that haunted us all with them,
and the one that arrived brought the love we were all searching for with them.
.....but is always came back.....
For me,
I would notice when they started looking at me different,
as if they knew something they thought they shouldn't,
knew something that I didn't know.
And responses
would get short,
conversations
would cease to be interesting,
and then one day I would come by unannounced,
just like all the other times,
and find everyone there,
laughing together
looking happier than they had in weeks.
In that moment before I walked in,
everything was okay again,
everything was normal,
the loneliness had left.
Then when I walked into the room,
it was as if I I had just caught my love in bed with someone else,
a 'hand-in-the-cookie-jar' kind of moment.
I had become the bearer of all of their loneliness,
I had become the mirror reflecting the empty room
that they were always trying to fill.
So in this moment,
I would make one of two decisions;
leave
or sit down as if nothing was wrong,
and spend the nest week proving my worth
to a tribe who had already voted me off the island.
And part of me wants to say it wasn't just me,
that others would know exactly what I meant,
what I had felt,
but for the sake of the feelings,
of the reality
of
that
moment,
when I was the only one,
and no one else wanted to feel it,
that is where I want to be right now,
so that it can be felt,
so that after this,
noone and nothing
can ever trap me there again.
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