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I've stopped trying Not in the way that causes you to fear that I won't be here in the morning Rather in the sense that I no longer constantly strain myself to be someone else I'd cry myself into naps that brought nightmares My mind would fade into a fog I couldn't find my way out of Staring at a tree that slanted in the field that became the neighbors new home Silent screams stayed loud in my head Bringing migraines I couldn't calm It wasn't until last month that I realized all the pain that's followed me, every year, since I left has been carried along by myself, without wanting Trying to keep alive the persona of the perfect daughter The precious mind of a broken survivor Trying to make believe that the girl I introduced you to was real Trying to manifest my mental illness to no longer exist Bringing to life a pain worse than the physical bruises I hid so well Tried and failed What's left is who was trying to not drown Who hid away in fear of rejection In fear of being smothered in hate again Rising to the surface This is my real reflection I'm telling you now Stopped trying Just be
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Feb 25, 2021
Feb 25, 2021 at 2:28 AM UTC
I tried.
I've stopped trying Not in the way that causes you to fear that I won't be here in the morning Rather in the sense that I no longer constantly strain myself to be someone else I'd cry myself into naps that brought nightmares My mind would fade into a fog I couldn't find my way out of Staring at a tree that slanted in the field that became the neighbors new home Silent screams stayed loud in my head Bringing migraines I couldn't calm It wasn't until last month that I realized all the pain that's followed me, every year, since I left has been carried along by myself, without wanting Trying to keep alive the persona of the perfect daughter The precious mind of a broken survivor Trying to make believe that the girl I introduced you to was real Trying to manifest my mental illness to no longer exist Bringing to life a pain worse than the physical bruises I hid so well Tried and failed What's left is who was trying to not drown Who hid away in fear of rejection In fear of being smothered in hate again Rising to the surface This is my real reflection I'm telling you now Stopped trying Just be
I feel like I'm seeing myself for the first time and understanding true love. I love myself.
#love#fear#trauma#ptsd#pain#growth#time
Jas_Fow
Written by
Jas_Fow
28/GF/Virginia
Feb 25, 2021
Feb 25, 2021 at 2:28 AM UTC
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