dear jules,
i know you wouldn't be proud of me. i know you thought for a bit about who you wanted to be and you were clearheaded and cool and you were learning to skateboard and **** i gave that up. i was too tired, i promise. i let you down.
if i had kept your name and your style and your face, who would i be? still you? still sad? still grieving? still empty all the way through your body and still the girl alone in your room, nothing to fill the trench carved in your heart?
worse
would i be happy, if i never changed? that's my worse nightmare, and even worse is that i can still write to you like this, put the poem on the right side of my stream so it means it's from me to me, and i still consider you me. i hate that. you're not me. you're not me you're not me you're not me.
but you are. and so are mei, juna, arlot.
breathe. listen, hard. you can hear the seattle rain, the same sound as that night when you decided to go with vivi's choice and be renne.
r.
Apr 2
Apr 2, 2026 at 11:13 PM UTC
dear jules,
i know you wouldn't be proud of me. i know you thought for a bit about who you wanted to be and you were clearheaded and cool and you were learning to skateboard and **** i gave that up. i was too tired, i promise. i let you down.
if i had kept your name and your style and your face, who would i be? still you? still sad? still grieving? still empty all the way through your body and still the girl alone in your room, nothing to fill the trench carved in your heart?
worse
would i be happy, if i never changed? that's my worse nightmare, and even worse is that i can still write to you like this, put the poem on the right side of my stream so it means it's from me to me, and i still consider you me. i hate that. you're not me. you're not me you're not me you're not me.
but you are. and so are mei, juna, arlot.
breathe. listen, hard. you can hear the seattle rain, the same sound as that night when you decided to go with vivi's choice and be renne.
r.
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