i'm not sound
i'm not stable
i still feel irrational and anxiet-ied nearly 99% of the time
it doesn't help i've had a seizure and have an MRI scheduled
with IV sedation which includes fentanyl
which i am a recovering addict
so this shit's ******* S c a r Y
i feel sick to my stomach thinking of it
and it's not for another 23 days
but
i also have an EEG scheduled
and that's scary too
because
anxiety
and
mental health
and so i will sit here
and type out my feelings
while somehow being vaguely manic
breathe dylan
i need you to breathe
dude
you're being stupid
shut the **** up you little *****
you're being irrational
nobody likes an irrational person
therefore
nobody likes you
and you will die alone
everything in your life leading you to this moment is utter ******** and make no sense
so just go do something else
and stop being stupid
but
but but
i found someone who actually
like
likes me for me
and respects me and my brain before my body
and it's beautifully strange but somehow familiarly heartwrenching
i don't like it
i don't like feeling this way
and my brain
working this way
so i will continue to write
until my music or brain thoughts stop
which is a hard question to see which will end first
**** is this really my future?
Apr 8, 2020
Apr 8, 2020 at 12:44 AM UTC
i'm not sound
i'm not stable
i still feel irrational and anxiet-ied nearly 99% of the time
it doesn't help i've had a seizure and have an MRI scheduled
with IV sedation which includes fentanyl
which i am a recovering addict
so this shit's ******* S c a r Y
i feel sick to my stomach thinking of it
and it's not for another 23 days
but
i also have an EEG scheduled
and that's scary too
because
anxiety
and
mental health
and so i will sit here
and type out my feelings
while somehow being vaguely manic
breathe dylan
i need you to breathe
dude
you're being stupid
shut the **** up you little *****
you're being irrational
nobody likes an irrational person
therefore
nobody likes you
and you will die alone
everything in your life leading you to this moment is utter ******** and make no sense
so just go do something else
and stop being stupid
but
but but
i found someone who actually
like
likes me for me
and respects me and my brain before my body
and it's beautifully strange but somehow familiarly heartwrenching
i don't like it
i don't like feeling this way
and my brain
working this way
so i will continue to write
until my music or brain thoughts stop
which is a hard question to see which will end first
**** is this really my future?
dude sos