I don’t think you understand what trauma does to one’s body or mind
But what I had to go through what trauma does to me
I wish no one around me had to go through this
The biggest war is the one that is inside my head
Hoping someone helps me snap out of it
Hoping that one day I don’t have to numb my self
Or use medications to feel normal
To feel safe
To feel secure
Do you realize that for sometime
I couldn’t go out
I couldn’t talk
Or speak
I couldn’t build realtionship or
Even hold a simple conversation
I didn’t know how to get up out of bed
I felt like my identity got stripped from me
Every incident
Every beating
Every assault
Every thing that was done to me
Weighed on me subconsciously
And all I could do is smile and hope that if I couldn’t save myself that I could save someone else
Because if I went through it
And they shouldn’t have too
So if your going to call my trauma a “ grudge”
Then you are just as ignorant as the rest of them
You made me feel weak not powerful
You stripped me of who I am
You never trusted in me
Did not have any respect for me
Used others against me for your own motives
Made my life a mockery
Just so you could feel better
And you want to call this love
My story my life is bigger than just holding some grudge my life would make any body snap and hope that they never woke up the next day.
I prayed to go God everyday for 7 years that wherever you were that you were ok.
Despite what was done boy I hope your mother explains this you better than you could ever understand it. When a woman you hurt prays for you everyday like that it’s because she’s officially given her life up to make sure that your life had meaning more than hers ever could. But you’ll never understand that because you’ll sit with your friends and assume you have me all figured out.
But that’s it why I say I’m done because I really am. I don’t want to wake up anymore. I try to call on my friends but I don’t think they need to know what’s happening to me daily. I really do wish some days I didn’t wake up. I don’t want to hear from you or know that your ok. I just hope I don’t wake up one day so I don’t have to feel this pain.
I didn’t ask to live like this. I tried getting the help I needed. It just didn’t help.
If you really did love me I don’t understand why you caused so much pain. It was never love. You just liked the way I loved you and hoped that one day I’d die starving for you.
I never stopped I just died inside.
Feb 5
Feb 5, 2026 at 2:54 AM UTC
I don’t think you understand what trauma does to one’s body or mind
But what I had to go through what trauma does to me
I wish no one around me had to go through this
The biggest war is the one that is inside my head
Hoping someone helps me snap out of it
Hoping that one day I don’t have to numb my self
Or use medications to feel normal
To feel safe
To feel secure
Do you realize that for sometime
I couldn’t go out
I couldn’t talk
Or speak
I couldn’t build realtionship or
Even hold a simple conversation
I didn’t know how to get up out of bed
I felt like my identity got stripped from me
Every incident
Every beating
Every assault
Every thing that was done to me
Weighed on me subconsciously
And all I could do is smile and hope that if I couldn’t save myself that I could save someone else
Because if I went through it
And they shouldn’t have too
So if your going to call my trauma a “ grudge”
Then you are just as ignorant as the rest of them
You made me feel weak not powerful
You stripped me of who I am
You never trusted in me
Did not have any respect for me
Used others against me for your own motives
Made my life a mockery
Just so you could feel better
And you want to call this love
My story my life is bigger than just holding some grudge my life would make any body snap and hope that they never woke up the next day.
I prayed to go God everyday for 7 years that wherever you were that you were ok.
Despite what was done boy I hope your mother explains this you better than you could ever understand it. When a woman you hurt prays for you everyday like that it’s because she’s officially given her life up to make sure that your life had meaning more than hers ever could. But you’ll never understand that because you’ll sit with your friends and assume you have me all figured out.
But that’s it why I say I’m done because I really am. I don’t want to wake up anymore. I try to call on my friends but I don’t think they need to know what’s happening to me daily. I really do wish some days I didn’t wake up. I don’t want to hear from you or know that your ok. I just hope I don’t wake up one day so I don’t have to feel this pain.
I didn’t ask to live like this. I tried getting the help I needed. It just didn’t help.
If you really did love me I don’t understand why you caused so much pain. It was never love. You just liked the way I loved you and hoped that one day I’d die starving for you.
I never stopped I just died inside.