It's night time again , I'm left alone with my thoughts .
It's night time again , it all starts coming back to me .
Felt suffocated inside , came outside feeling overwhelmed, I can't see I can't think , it's insane .
The movies skipped this part , they skipped the blood and the pain , they skipped the rejection and fatigue , they dashed to the happy ending slowing down mine .
Do you really know who I am ? Do you know my name? Can you say my name whilst knowing me .. or do you just say it as a necessity .
Even in my dreams I'm suffocated ..the one time I take a breath of fresh air , a million accidents follow .
God !!I try to breathe , but each breath I take hurts more than the last .
"That's the last time , I'm better now , it won't hurt anymore" lies I tell myself , lying to yourself to convince yourself is pathetic . I'm pathetic.
Why does it hurt so much to breathe ? When will it stop ? Each night passes I look forward to the day the breathing stops , but at what cost ? My breath seizes but sadness befalls those who care ..
My eyes close to never be red and soaked again but their eye rims overflow with tears shed and unshed .
How can a girl feel so much yet so little ? How can one acquire such bags of sadness that increases each step I take ? .
I must have been a ***** in the life before , this must be my eternal damnation, it's all a sick joke .
Rubber slaps my wrist but yet I can't quite make that twist .
What's it gonna take to make that twist ? What's it gonna take to break this curse ? .. what's it gonna take to lose this breath ? Without bringing tears to the eyes of those who are cursed to love me ? .
Maybe you did something in your life before too , your curse came as me .. mine is eternal damnation , yours is sadness for you love the ****** one .
If only somebody ,anybody knows my name while knowing me ! If only while I drowned somebody could actually yell my name , perhaps I wouldn't be gasping for this hurtful air .. perhaps I wouldn't be crying for the breath that hurts me so .
It's funny you know .. " A man or a bear ? " they ask me ..
How about " A woman and air ?" What's she to pick ? The one that hurts her .. or the very cause of her sorrows ?
What's she to choose ? Oh how big these responsibilities are but what truly are they ? She doesn't know ! But she feels the pain and is tagged as dramatic !
" Your life's not a movie !!" They say ..
" You cannot always be a victim" they say ,
" Grow up ! You are not a child ! Be mature"
And I stand and wish that I actually saw my life as a movie , then the pain wouldn't feel so real , and the blood wouldn't feel so hot as it dripped , if only my life were a movie , I would have written my happy ending .
So you were wrong , but if perhaps you were right .. then this movie hurts and burns , change it to the next one please .
I'm immature ? maturity would break me , it would **** me with a smile .
Adulthood that I am not yet ready to face , so yes I'm immature and childish , that's the only string connecting me to life .
Come home to my family and oh how they love ... Yet I can't reciprocate , " you can reciprocate by making us proud ! Excel at school as always " .
How do I explain ? How do I explain the change? How do I explain that it's killing me slowly but surely , how do I explain that In order to excel I lose a bit of myself every single day ! But it's not enough , how much more do I have to lose before I breathe ? Is it until there's nothing left ? I'll bet ! .
Then I'd finally excel , with my last painful breath.
Aug 25, 2025
Aug 25, 2025 at 8:55 AM UTC
It's night time again , I'm left alone with my thoughts .
It's night time again , it all starts coming back to me .
Felt suffocated inside , came outside feeling overwhelmed, I can't see I can't think , it's insane .
The movies skipped this part , they skipped the blood and the pain , they skipped the rejection and fatigue , they dashed to the happy ending slowing down mine .
Do you really know who I am ? Do you know my name? Can you say my name whilst knowing me .. or do you just say it as a necessity .
Even in my dreams I'm suffocated ..the one time I take a breath of fresh air , a million accidents follow .
God !!I try to breathe , but each breath I take hurts more than the last .
"That's the last time , I'm better now , it won't hurt anymore" lies I tell myself , lying to yourself to convince yourself is pathetic . I'm pathetic.
Why does it hurt so much to breathe ? When will it stop ? Each night passes I look forward to the day the breathing stops , but at what cost ? My breath seizes but sadness befalls those who care ..
My eyes close to never be red and soaked again but their eye rims overflow with tears shed and unshed .
How can a girl feel so much yet so little ? How can one acquire such bags of sadness that increases each step I take ? .
I must have been a ***** in the life before , this must be my eternal damnation, it's all a sick joke .
Rubber slaps my wrist but yet I can't quite make that twist .
What's it gonna take to make that twist ? What's it gonna take to break this curse ? .. what's it gonna take to lose this breath ? Without bringing tears to the eyes of those who are cursed to love me ? .
Maybe you did something in your life before too , your curse came as me .. mine is eternal damnation , yours is sadness for you love the ****** one .
If only somebody ,anybody knows my name while knowing me ! If only while I drowned somebody could actually yell my name , perhaps I wouldn't be gasping for this hurtful air .. perhaps I wouldn't be crying for the breath that hurts me so .
It's funny you know .. " A man or a bear ? " they ask me ..
How about " A woman and air ?" What's she to pick ? The one that hurts her .. or the very cause of her sorrows ?
What's she to choose ? Oh how big these responsibilities are but what truly are they ? She doesn't know ! But she feels the pain and is tagged as dramatic !
" Your life's not a movie !!" They say ..
" You cannot always be a victim" they say ,
" Grow up ! You are not a child ! Be mature"
And I stand and wish that I actually saw my life as a movie , then the pain wouldn't feel so real , and the blood wouldn't feel so hot as it dripped , if only my life were a movie , I would have written my happy ending .
So you were wrong , but if perhaps you were right .. then this movie hurts and burns , change it to the next one please .
I'm immature ? maturity would break me , it would **** me with a smile .
Adulthood that I am not yet ready to face , so yes I'm immature and childish , that's the only string connecting me to life .
Come home to my family and oh how they love ... Yet I can't reciprocate , " you can reciprocate by making us proud ! Excel at school as always " .
How do I explain ? How do I explain the change? How do I explain that it's killing me slowly but surely , how do I explain that In order to excel I lose a bit of myself every single day ! But it's not enough , how much more do I have to lose before I breathe ? Is it until there's nothing left ? I'll bet ! .
Then I'd finally excel , with my last painful breath.
At what cost ?
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