If I’d happened to be someone else
weaning myself dry from my silent spell
may have taken months
waiting for words to
find me again
"It was just a touch"
Find me again
here
drowned in this skin
I used to know before you
chose to
burrow under
Fingers seeping into soil and rooting in
Once
a friend explained her process of
extracting similar roots
like foreign veins
we'd grown accustom to this
The same friend that
smokes herself to sleep in fear
those roots will find her again
By mere sense she learned the mold of mace and
how to wear her Woman in a public space
She demonstrated proper use as
finger wavered trigger--
If I’d happened to be someone else
reconciling air in my lungs
may have taken years
counting up hours into days
buried in a mangled garden of
thoughts
lingering
Nights spent spinning back clock hands--
I mistook unwelcome hands with the gentle brush of a petal
but luckily
orchids grow
and heal
on their own
Luckily I was not someone else--
Someone so used to gardening open wounds that
trauma festers like a patch of weeds
wild and
unforgiving and
when the soil has dried and
sun has silenced into night
the only remedy is to
uproot the vein
If I'd happened to be
someone else
--
c
Jan 24, 2018
Jan 24, 2018 at 3:54 PM UTC
If I’d happened to be someone else
weaning myself dry from my silent spell
may have taken months
waiting for words to
find me again
"It was just a touch"
Find me again
here
drowned in this skin
I used to know before you
chose to
burrow under
Fingers seeping into soil and rooting in
Once
a friend explained her process of
extracting similar roots
like foreign veins
we'd grown accustom to this
The same friend that
smokes herself to sleep in fear
those roots will find her again
By mere sense she learned the mold of mace and
how to wear her Woman in a public space
She demonstrated proper use as
finger wavered trigger--
If I’d happened to be someone else
reconciling air in my lungs
may have taken years
counting up hours into days
buried in a mangled garden of
thoughts
lingering
Nights spent spinning back clock hands--
I mistook unwelcome hands with the gentle brush of a petal
but luckily
orchids grow
and heal
on their own
Luckily I was not someone else--
Someone so used to gardening open wounds that
trauma festers like a patch of weeds
wild and
unforgiving and
when the soil has dried and
sun has silenced into night
the only remedy is to
uproot the vein
If I'd happened to be
someone else
--
c
Explicit content. Guttural response to a breach of trust I've experienced from someone close to me, more than twice. I hope to heal from these experiences, but for now they are fresh in my mind and the person is present in my life.
In the poem, I speak about a friend that has experienced similar trauma, only for her that trauma has stuck with her for years into adulthood. I can sympathize but at the end of the day if that would have been her in my position I can't imagine what it would do to her.
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