Hello Poetry
Submit your work and get some sparkles! Create free account
pennamebree-zPoems
It was different, but not better. It wasn't that I thought I never deserved happiness anymore It wasn't that I thought I no longer deserved happiness now It was more like I wondered if I was just too broken presently To even comprehend what real happiness could look like... Like going so long without food, The body rejects it. Or like when an animal is wounded and feral And more at risk of hurting someone who reaches out: Even if that someone only want to save it. Like no matter how gentle or slow. I could only see the risk in being present in the situation. I didn't fully trust anyone's intentions. I sometimes wasn't even sure I trusted myself. Some days I would be fine. Brave even. Almost alive, even... Some days my world felt loud and dangerous. Like every step risked the floor collapsing. And other days l would slink back down... I would give up trying to understand which feeling was correct Because it's exhausting to constantly ask. So I revert to recoiling. Or let myself go numb... No, I wasn't so brave. And I wasn't healed. Or better. I'm just more aware of the existing damage. And there is so little room to imagine happiness When your mind is constantly reminding you how to survive.
0
Feb 2, 2023
Feb 2, 2023 at 10:51 PM UTC
Survive
It was different, but not better. It wasn't that I thought I never deserved happiness anymore It wasn't that I thought I no longer deserved happiness now It was more like I wondered if I was just too broken presently To even comprehend what real happiness could look like... Like going so long without food, The body rejects it. Or like when an animal is wounded and feral And more at risk of hurting someone who reaches out: Even if that someone only want to save it. Like no matter how gentle or slow. I could only see the risk in being present in the situation. I didn't fully trust anyone's intentions. I sometimes wasn't even sure I trusted myself. Some days I would be fine. Brave even. Almost alive, even... Some days my world felt loud and dangerous. Like every step risked the floor collapsing. And other days l would slink back down... I would give up trying to understand which feeling was correct Because it's exhausting to constantly ask. So I revert to recoiling. Or let myself go numb... No, I wasn't so brave. And I wasn't healed. Or better. I'm just more aware of the existing damage. And there is so little room to imagine happiness When your mind is constantly reminding you how to survive.
pennamebree-z
Written by
pennamebree-z
30/F/American
Feb 2, 2023
Feb 2, 2023 at 10:51 PM UTC
Request permission to use this poem