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mystiqal-nPoems
i find myself unable to sleep, crippled. lost confused this anxiety riddles me with questions memories & fears. i rememeber the first time you touched me i felt needed i felt at ease i felt comforted your hands felt like home your words sounded like a song i felt alive. i felt love, or atleast, what i thought to be love. why did i find home in your hands? why did your hands offer me a place my father never did? why did my fathers hands feel like foreign land and his voice sound like an empty room? i found missing pieces of my father in you in your touch your voice your laugh the moments of touch felt like pleasure unleashed but when you would leave i would cry and try to scrub, scrub my sins away scrub my hate away scrub the distaste away scrub my own skin away, because it felt foreign. why did i find pleasure in sin? why did i find joy in the pits of hell? why? why are you here again, touching me. loving me searching for a release in me. i should have said no, but i never knew how to turn down love or what looked like it.
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Apr 24, 2016
Apr 24, 2016 at 5:44 PM UTC
looking for my father
i find myself unable to sleep, crippled. lost confused this anxiety riddles me with questions memories & fears. i rememeber the first time you touched me i felt needed i felt at ease i felt comforted your hands felt like home your words sounded like a song i felt alive. i felt love, or atleast, what i thought to be love. why did i find home in your hands? why did your hands offer me a place my father never did? why did my fathers hands feel like foreign land and his voice sound like an empty room? i found missing pieces of my father in you in your touch your voice your laugh the moments of touch felt like pleasure unleashed but when you would leave i would cry and try to scrub, scrub my sins away scrub my hate away scrub the distaste away scrub my own skin away, because it felt foreign. why did i find pleasure in sin? why did i find joy in the pits of hell? why? why are you here again, touching me. loving me searching for a release in me. i should have said no, but i never knew how to turn down love or what looked like it.
#anxiety#mentalillness#absentfather
mystiqal-n
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mystiqal-n
Apr 24, 2016
Apr 24, 2016 at 5:44 PM UTC
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