INTRODUCTION
*someone's following you online here,
and you want to know why
Well, here's why...take your pick*
POSSIBILITIES
1)
Oh, I follow you because you look good
and though I never read your poems
I come back often
year after year
to see if you age at all
2)
you don't use your real name
you use a moniker or pseudonym -
and I'm just going by the desperate hope
you are Obama or Putin incognito
and you might give me asylum one day
if I'm outlawed by one or the other
3)
I'm in jail for life
and this is the only way I can stalk anyone
4)
I was hoping you'd reciprocate
and follow me too -
so why the hell don't you, hypocrite!?
5)
I'm your ****** boss in disguise
and I'm at this site keeping track
of how much office time you waste here,
you ****** loafer!
6)
I'm actually your wife
and I got a thing or two to say to you
about all those comments
you've written for the women here
Same old liar here and at home, aren't you?
Just wait till you get home...
7)
Well, I'm a ****** academic
who never gets creative
so I'm collecting all your poems
and I'll publish them in my name
and there'll be praise all round for me
as academic, and poet, and novelist too
(the novels I steal from my students)
8)
you scratch my back
I scratch yours
9)
Why do I follow you? -
but aren't you my mum?
You never taught me
to let go of your apron strings
10)
actually, it was a mistake, see
I was on my smartphone and I went
tap, tap, tap
and my index finger fell on "Follow"
and I'm too darned lazy to set it right...
that's how I ended up following you
11)
My cult tells me
the Messiah is here at this site
so I just follow everyone
in case it happens to be you -
it is you, isn't it?
May 7, 2014
May 7, 2014 at 6:07 AM UTC
INTRODUCTION
*someone's following you online here,
and you want to know why
Well, here's why...take your pick*
POSSIBILITIES
1)
Oh, I follow you because you look good
and though I never read your poems
I come back often
year after year
to see if you age at all
2)
you don't use your real name
you use a moniker or pseudonym -
and I'm just going by the desperate hope
you are Obama or Putin incognito
and you might give me asylum one day
if I'm outlawed by one or the other
3)
I'm in jail for life
and this is the only way I can stalk anyone
4)
I was hoping you'd reciprocate
and follow me too -
so why the hell don't you, hypocrite!?
5)
I'm your ****** boss in disguise
and I'm at this site keeping track
of how much office time you waste here,
you ****** loafer!
6)
I'm actually your wife
and I got a thing or two to say to you
about all those comments
you've written for the women here
Same old liar here and at home, aren't you?
Just wait till you get home...
7)
Well, I'm a ****** academic
who never gets creative
so I'm collecting all your poems
and I'll publish them in my name
and there'll be praise all round for me
as academic, and poet, and novelist too
(the novels I steal from my students)
8)
you scratch my back
I scratch yours
9)
Why do I follow you? -
but aren't you my mum?
You never taught me
to let go of your apron strings
10)
actually, it was a mistake, see
I was on my smartphone and I went
tap, tap, tap
and my index finger fell on "Follow"
and I'm too darned lazy to set it right...
that's how I ended up following you
11)
My cult tells me
the Messiah is here at this site
so I just follow everyone
in case it happens to be you -
it is you, isn't it?
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