I. Hate. Child. Molesters.
Not such an unusual comment, but
written down
in my notebook
it took on a
significance
of its own.
I. Freaked. Out.
Hate? I could not
Hate.
Over and over
the words hit my mind
with my shaking hands bearing witness
I'd said something
Wrong.
Finally,
I shoved my notebook and pens
into my bag
and stood up
for almost a whole second
before my knees gave out
and I went down
to the floor.
FLASH
Me as a child
lying on a bed
being touched
"down there"
Over. And. Over.
The flashback repeated
Me
Bed
My cousin
Touching me
And repeated
Me
Bed
My cousin
Touching me
As I lay on the library floor,
upstairs where nobody could help,
too terrified to move,
I wondered
What. Was. Going. On????
Where did this come from?
Unmistakably me
Definitely him
I was going to throw up.
Bathrooms
Where?
I was completely
disoriented,
staggering out from
a very thorough spin cycle.
I eventually found my way
into the bathroom,
to the sink.
I splashed water on my face
and stared at myself
in the mirror.
Was I older?
Did I have dark circles
under my eyes?
Bags like suitcases?
Anything??
But the face that looked back was
Mine
17 years
Red tinged,
green eyes.
It was still me
with an
Immensely. Heavy. Secret.
I had been molested.
Apr 9
Apr 9, 2026 at 3:55 PM UTC
I. Hate. Child. Molesters.
Not such an unusual comment, but
written down
in my notebook
it took on a
significance
of its own.
I. Freaked. Out.
Hate? I could not
Hate.
Over and over
the words hit my mind
with my shaking hands bearing witness
I'd said something
Wrong.
Finally,
I shoved my notebook and pens
into my bag
and stood up
for almost a whole second
before my knees gave out
and I went down
to the floor.
FLASH
Me as a child
lying on a bed
being touched
"down there"
Over. And. Over.
The flashback repeated
Me
Bed
My cousin
Touching me
And repeated
Me
Bed
My cousin
Touching me
As I lay on the library floor,
upstairs where nobody could help,
too terrified to move,
I wondered
What. Was. Going. On????
Where did this come from?
Unmistakably me
Definitely him
I was going to throw up.
Bathrooms
Where?
I was completely
disoriented,
staggering out from
a very thorough spin cycle.
I eventually found my way
into the bathroom,
to the sink.
I splashed water on my face
and stared at myself
in the mirror.
Was I older?
Did I have dark circles
under my eyes?
Bags like suitcases?
Anything??
But the face that looked back was
Mine
17 years
Red tinged,
green eyes.
It was still me
with an
Immensely. Heavy. Secret.
I had been molested.
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." (Lao Tzu) This was my first step in remembering the abuse I went through as a child. It all unfolded quickly once the flashbacks started coming. My quiet life was no more. This is the beginning of my descent into hell, each new flashback showing me a side of a memory I had forgotten. Eventually, they formed the silhouette of a person I never thought I would be.. victim.
