My heart is beating wildly out of my chest
My hands are shaking
I cannot think straight
My worries are screaming at me
What if I'm not actually that smart
I've been told all my life
That I'm clever
But without it
What am I
Without being smart
My wit is just sarcasm
And thinly veiled bitterness
Without intelligence
How can I live up to the expectations
Of the world
What if instead of being smart
I am simply average
And told I was better than I am
I could have simply gotten by all these years
The panic welling up
Threatens to consume me
What if I am crazy
Instead of eccentric
The only difference between them is being useful
What if alone I will be destroyed
By my very own mind
What if I am smart
What then
What is intelligence without being able to teach
Or show off on occasion
What if being alone with myself
Ruins my quick wit
And renders me useless
Helpless
What can I do
I need a buffer from the world
Without one I am lost
Just a single star in the sky
I need someone to explain
What is right and wrong
What is going on with these strangers
I need someone to help me
I need places I can escape to
But here and now
I am stuck by myself
And trying to react to this enormous change
Aug 21, 2014
Aug 21, 2014 at 7:09 PM UTC
My heart is beating wildly out of my chest
My hands are shaking
I cannot think straight
My worries are screaming at me
What if I'm not actually that smart
I've been told all my life
That I'm clever
But without it
What am I
Without being smart
My wit is just sarcasm
And thinly veiled bitterness
Without intelligence
How can I live up to the expectations
Of the world
What if instead of being smart
I am simply average
And told I was better than I am
I could have simply gotten by all these years
The panic welling up
Threatens to consume me
What if I am crazy
Instead of eccentric
The only difference between them is being useful
What if alone I will be destroyed
By my very own mind
What if I am smart
What then
What is intelligence without being able to teach
Or show off on occasion
What if being alone with myself
Ruins my quick wit
And renders me useless
Helpless
What can I do
I need a buffer from the world
Without one I am lost
Just a single star in the sky
I need someone to explain
What is right and wrong
What is going on with these strangers
I need someone to help me
I need places I can escape to
But here and now
I am stuck by myself
And trying to react to this enormous change