I remember a moment in time where I felt
And so deeply, so horrifyingly deep like the vastness of space
That you were the solution to my existential problem of my existence in a world I didn’t particularly want to be a part of
Remembering the way you made me feel
That after a life of wondering
I had found a place to call home
It wasn’t the four walls, the driveway or the yard
No, I found my home at 3:30 in the morning stumbling over you in the dark
Opening the bedroom door to the hallway slowly
As to not wake you up as the light shined off your face
And I could see, for the first time
While I stood there staring at you, sleeping
Tucked into my bed wrapped in fuzzy blankets from your youth
It was probably only a second but to me it felt like an eternity
I could only find the ability to deeply exhale in a moment of pure bliss
Watching you crinkle your face slightly as the light hit you.
You didn’t stir
But something in me did
Something inside me awoke for the first time since the last time years ago
When I had you in my bed, doing the same thing I was then.
I don’t know what I thought I'd feel
I think part of me hoped nothing would have changed
That the love I had for you stood stronger than the test of time
That all that time I spent talking to you in my mirror
Would be worth it, and I wouldn’t have been crazy
It’s funny
Funny the way life works out
Because now
When I wake up, I find myself reaching out
To nothing
There’s always a moment, even if just a second
Where I think, maybe I'll wake up from this and you’ll be there
You tend to come in and out of my life
But when you come back
You seem to be the alarm clock that breaks the silence of my mind
And bring me back to the real world
But I’m starting to believe
That maybe I’ve always been awake
You are only a dream.
Jul 26, 2020
Jul 26, 2020 at 6:04 PM UTC
I remember a moment in time where I felt
And so deeply, so horrifyingly deep like the vastness of space
That you were the solution to my existential problem of my existence in a world I didn’t particularly want to be a part of
Remembering the way you made me feel
That after a life of wondering
I had found a place to call home
It wasn’t the four walls, the driveway or the yard
No, I found my home at 3:30 in the morning stumbling over you in the dark
Opening the bedroom door to the hallway slowly
As to not wake you up as the light shined off your face
And I could see, for the first time
While I stood there staring at you, sleeping
Tucked into my bed wrapped in fuzzy blankets from your youth
It was probably only a second but to me it felt like an eternity
I could only find the ability to deeply exhale in a moment of pure bliss
Watching you crinkle your face slightly as the light hit you.
You didn’t stir
But something in me did
Something inside me awoke for the first time since the last time years ago
When I had you in my bed, doing the same thing I was then.
I don’t know what I thought I'd feel
I think part of me hoped nothing would have changed
That the love I had for you stood stronger than the test of time
That all that time I spent talking to you in my mirror
Would be worth it, and I wouldn’t have been crazy
It’s funny
Funny the way life works out
Because now
When I wake up, I find myself reaching out
To nothing
There’s always a moment, even if just a second
Where I think, maybe I'll wake up from this and you’ll be there
You tend to come in and out of my life
But when you come back
You seem to be the alarm clock that breaks the silence of my mind
And bring me back to the real world
But I’m starting to believe
That maybe I’ve always been awake
You are only a dream.
What is a dream but a moment before the nightmare begins
