How are you still here?
Are you locked in a maze of my memories?
Trying franticly to escape and
screaming your way into consciousness
New pills but the same tunes
It’s been so long and yet some days
It feels like I’m still trapped
In the personal hell you constructed for me
You owned not only the key
Nor the concrete windowless walls
Nor the velvet-thick darkness surrounding me
as I begged for you to let your light in again
but you owned me too
You didn’t even need chains to keep me there
My heavy heart held me down more than any metal could
I can’t even say I escaped
Because you
let me go
Twice
Both times reopening the deadbolts to call me back
And obediently I came crawling in
And then you shoved me out again
This time without warning
The light burned my eyes and my skin
My hands bled as I scratched at the door
Tears choking all the words back to my stomach
And when I couldn’t feel anything anymore
I grabbed a knife
and carved a map into my skin
Desperately waiting for you to call me back again
But you didn’t
And I’d like to say that I’m ok now
That you no longer torture me
But I’m not.
And you still do.
Of course she helps
I swear someone sent an Angel
And I’m not worthy of her
But she still loves me
And I’m terrified that one day
my demons will tear through her wings
just like you tore through my heart
And though she helps mend it again
It will never be whole again
Because you stole a piece for your own sick collection.
Aug 4, 2016
Aug 4, 2016 at 7:54 PM UTC
How are you still here?
Are you locked in a maze of my memories?
Trying franticly to escape and
screaming your way into consciousness
New pills but the same tunes
It’s been so long and yet some days
It feels like I’m still trapped
In the personal hell you constructed for me
You owned not only the key
Nor the concrete windowless walls
Nor the velvet-thick darkness surrounding me
as I begged for you to let your light in again
but you owned me too
You didn’t even need chains to keep me there
My heavy heart held me down more than any metal could
I can’t even say I escaped
Because you
let me go
Twice
Both times reopening the deadbolts to call me back
And obediently I came crawling in
And then you shoved me out again
This time without warning
The light burned my eyes and my skin
My hands bled as I scratched at the door
Tears choking all the words back to my stomach
And when I couldn’t feel anything anymore
I grabbed a knife
and carved a map into my skin
Desperately waiting for you to call me back again
But you didn’t
And I’d like to say that I’m ok now
That you no longer torture me
But I’m not.
And you still do.
Of course she helps
I swear someone sent an Angel
And I’m not worthy of her
But she still loves me
And I’m terrified that one day
my demons will tear through her wings
just like you tore through my heart
And though she helps mend it again
It will never be whole again
Because you stole a piece for your own sick collection.
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