How it happened I remember
Ten little fingers, ten little toes
Had been growing inside me
Nine months she had to grow
Late she was delivered
By a week and a day
Her great-grandmother’s death
Had opened up the way
Bittersweet were the tears
Softly, quietly they fell
Grandma’s words had kept me
Though unsure, I knew we’d be well
Back home my love is tested
My patience wearing thin
Yet four years after Big Sis
I made the same choice again
Ten more fingers, ten more toes
Did little to help what was broken
All my love and all my time
Is what I gave them as a token
Here now, they were a part of this
A whirlwind of pain and tears
Day in, day out I’m feeling trapped
Hopeful they’d never see my fear
Eventually, having had enough
I packed our bags and fled
Emotionless, conflicted feelings
Inside I already felt myself dead
Months…a year…time passed on
Two ladybugs grew and changed
My heart was cold and deadened
This was SO not the life I arranged
Anger replaced all other emotions
Closed to the world, I drifted away
The pills…a plan…it was all in front of me
It’d be better for them I would say
And in this place my grandma’s words
Sought and reached out to me
There was God in this she claimed
Though where He was I didn’t see
Just then by chance I reached out
To one whose eyes held truth and grace
Not sure what to make of this sudden move
I felt myself far outpaced
Hiding from love
Yet yearning for much more
This new bond had awakened in me
A new future for me to explore
Slowly and carefully we navigated
Finding significance in small gains
Eventually unveiling one another
And pushing through the pain
Twenty-fingers, twenty toes there were
Shy, unsure, and confused
Soon those feelings melted away
They were now confident and amused
Where the rocky shores of hearts once stood
Love’s water had cut a gorge
Roots established, a future ahead
An unconventional family tree was forged
And on one cold and introspective day
When the smell of rain awakened me
My grandmother’s words rang out again
“I told you one day you’d see.”
Chasing a dream flawed from the start
Was not what I was meant to do
Forcing fate, proving points
Doing what I thought I was supposed to do
In all that time what I failed to perceive
Was that it was not for me to choose it—
This family chose ME
Feb 15, 2020
Feb 15, 2020 at 3:17 PM UTC
How it happened I remember
Ten little fingers, ten little toes
Had been growing inside me
Nine months she had to grow
Late she was delivered
By a week and a day
Her great-grandmother’s death
Had opened up the way
Bittersweet were the tears
Softly, quietly they fell
Grandma’s words had kept me
Though unsure, I knew we’d be well
Back home my love is tested
My patience wearing thin
Yet four years after Big Sis
I made the same choice again
Ten more fingers, ten more toes
Did little to help what was broken
All my love and all my time
Is what I gave them as a token
Here now, they were a part of this
A whirlwind of pain and tears
Day in, day out I’m feeling trapped
Hopeful they’d never see my fear
Eventually, having had enough
I packed our bags and fled
Emotionless, conflicted feelings
Inside I already felt myself dead
Months…a year…time passed on
Two ladybugs grew and changed
My heart was cold and deadened
This was SO not the life I arranged
Anger replaced all other emotions
Closed to the world, I drifted away
The pills…a plan…it was all in front of me
It’d be better for them I would say
And in this place my grandma’s words
Sought and reached out to me
There was God in this she claimed
Though where He was I didn’t see
Just then by chance I reached out
To one whose eyes held truth and grace
Not sure what to make of this sudden move
I felt myself far outpaced
Hiding from love
Yet yearning for much more
This new bond had awakened in me
A new future for me to explore
Slowly and carefully we navigated
Finding significance in small gains
Eventually unveiling one another
And pushing through the pain
Twenty-fingers, twenty toes there were
Shy, unsure, and confused
Soon those feelings melted away
They were now confident and amused
Where the rocky shores of hearts once stood
Love’s water had cut a gorge
Roots established, a future ahead
An unconventional family tree was forged
And on one cold and introspective day
When the smell of rain awakened me
My grandmother’s words rang out again
“I told you one day you’d see.”
Chasing a dream flawed from the start
Was not what I was meant to do
Forcing fate, proving points
Doing what I thought I was supposed to do
In all that time what I failed to perceive
Was that it was not for me to choose it—
This family chose ME