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I stood at her bedside quietly. She looked peaceful. She looked happy. I held my siblings' shoulder as they cried. I knew it would be hard for them. I would be there for them. It was just twenty minutes ago. I had looked over, her oxygen tube was no longer moving. Not in the rhythmic way it does when she breathes. It was still, still as stone. I swallowed thickly before speaking aloud. My mom was quick to get up to make sure. I hesitated before following her over. I now waited for my little sister to take a breath. Her sobs racked her body and I rubbed her shoulder. They'd never lost someone before. It wouldn't be goodbye forever, but for a while. They both said goodbye with sobs. I stayed there quietly. She looked tranquil. No pain. No worry. ~ I was the only child to attend the viewing. She looked cold this time. Pale, a little blue. And yet still so beautiful. She was only in a cardboard box. I'd wished we brought nail polish. I believe my my mom said goodbye there. I stayed quiet. I never said goodbye. I wish I would have just said goodbye. I wish she would've taken more pictures. I wish I knew more about her. I wish she never got cancer. I wish I would have just said goodbye. I wish she never smoked. I wish the cancer never metastasized. I wish she was here. I wish I would have just said goodbye. I wish I didn't have to take care of her with my mom at 15. I wish she never became weak. I wish she stayed healthy. I wish I would have just said goodbye. I wish I would have cried. I wish I would have felt. I wish I would have just said goodbye. Goodbye grandma. I love you. But it isn't goodbye forever..... Right?
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Apr 20, 2019
Apr 20, 2019 at 5:57 PM UTC
Goodbye
I stood at her bedside quietly. She looked peaceful. She looked happy. I held my siblings' shoulder as they cried. I knew it would be hard for them. I would be there for them. It was just twenty minutes ago. I had looked over, her oxygen tube was no longer moving. Not in the rhythmic way it does when she breathes. It was still, still as stone. I swallowed thickly before speaking aloud. My mom was quick to get up to make sure. I hesitated before following her over. I now waited for my little sister to take a breath. Her sobs racked her body and I rubbed her shoulder. They'd never lost someone before. It wouldn't be goodbye forever, but for a while. They both said goodbye with sobs. I stayed there quietly. She looked tranquil. No pain. No worry. ~ I was the only child to attend the viewing. She looked cold this time. Pale, a little blue. And yet still so beautiful. She was only in a cardboard box. I'd wished we brought nail polish. I believe my my mom said goodbye there. I stayed quiet. I never said goodbye. I wish I would have just said goodbye. I wish she would've taken more pictures. I wish I knew more about her. I wish she never got cancer. I wish I would have just said goodbye. I wish she never smoked. I wish the cancer never metastasized. I wish she was here. I wish I would have just said goodbye. I wish I didn't have to take care of her with my mom at 15. I wish she never became weak. I wish she stayed healthy. I wish I would have just said goodbye. I wish I would have cried. I wish I would have felt. I wish I would have just said goodbye. Goodbye grandma. I love you. But it isn't goodbye forever..... Right?
#goodbye#sad#loss#death#grandma#family#forever#goodbyeforever
Whogivesafuck
Written by
Whogivesafuck
24/F/Rock me Hard Place
Apr 20, 2019
Apr 20, 2019 at 5:57 PM UTC
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