Sometimes I become mad
Because I always lose
I lose hope
I lose faith
I lose battles and arguments
Against everyone and myself
I gain a lot sometimes
I gain sadness
I gain weight
I gain all things I’ve been running from
Only when I stop running and cry
And I don’t feel like they understand
I don’t think they realize the struggles I’ve gone through
That I would never tell them because I always lose
I always lose my fights
I’m always the devil
I feel things
Maybe sometimes people don’t realize that?
Because my emotions are too complex
And my mouth too slow
And my mind too fast
So nothing gets across
Unless you sit me down and let me speak
Because I’m not patient
I’m sorry about that
But I need patience
I’ve only told two people
And those were the two people who were willing to let me speak
To not say a word
To not try to defend themselves or blame me
And sometimes I **** it up
Actually
All the time
Because I never seem to come out of a fight feeling better
I come out feeling bruised
And I wish they would show
So they would be able to know how much they hurt me
And I cry and cry and cry
And I don’t know why
Because I want to stop the pain
But I wish I knew how
Because in reality I don’t want a solution
I just want peace
And I want to be able to sleep at night
And I wish they would listen
Listen to the pain and the cracks breaking through my heart
I wish they would hear my cries for help
And care to stay silent so they could listen to my words rather than talk over them
And other times I just wish my body would act differently
I wish all the pain would show
I really really wish the pain would show
Because then they would know what they’ve done to me
I wish the starvation would show
I wish the bruises would form
I wish the scars were visible
I wish the pain was there
But it is
It’s behind that smile
Because beauty is pain
And beauty is a shield
That’s why everyone wants it
Behind the smile and the pretty eyes are a lot of trauma
I stay up at night not from insomnia but because I can’t stop the thoughts
I never tell anyone because it’s never helped me
I don't tell them because I don’t want the feeling of being a burden
I don’t want to cause more pain than what I’ve caused to myself
But I don’t know how to show them that I’m hurt
Because I lost it
I’ve lost a lot of things I’ve used to be
And I’m still losing…
If only they’d stay silent
Oct 27, 2025
Oct 27, 2025 at 4:31 PM UTC
Sometimes I become mad
Because I always lose
I lose hope
I lose faith
I lose battles and arguments
Against everyone and myself
I gain a lot sometimes
I gain sadness
I gain weight
I gain all things I’ve been running from
Only when I stop running and cry
And I don’t feel like they understand
I don’t think they realize the struggles I’ve gone through
That I would never tell them because I always lose
I always lose my fights
I’m always the devil
I feel things
Maybe sometimes people don’t realize that?
Because my emotions are too complex
And my mouth too slow
And my mind too fast
So nothing gets across
Unless you sit me down and let me speak
Because I’m not patient
I’m sorry about that
But I need patience
I’ve only told two people
And those were the two people who were willing to let me speak
To not say a word
To not try to defend themselves or blame me
And sometimes I **** it up
Actually
All the time
Because I never seem to come out of a fight feeling better
I come out feeling bruised
And I wish they would show
So they would be able to know how much they hurt me
And I cry and cry and cry
And I don’t know why
Because I want to stop the pain
But I wish I knew how
Because in reality I don’t want a solution
I just want peace
And I want to be able to sleep at night
And I wish they would listen
Listen to the pain and the cracks breaking through my heart
I wish they would hear my cries for help
And care to stay silent so they could listen to my words rather than talk over them
And other times I just wish my body would act differently
I wish all the pain would show
I really really wish the pain would show
Because then they would know what they’ve done to me
I wish the starvation would show
I wish the bruises would form
I wish the scars were visible
I wish the pain was there
But it is
It’s behind that smile
Because beauty is pain
And beauty is a shield
That’s why everyone wants it
Behind the smile and the pretty eyes are a lot of trauma
I stay up at night not from insomnia but because I can’t stop the thoughts
I never tell anyone because it’s never helped me
I don't tell them because I don’t want the feeling of being a burden
I don’t want to cause more pain than what I’ve caused to myself
But I don’t know how to show them that I’m hurt
Because I lost it
I’ve lost a lot of things I’ve used to be
And I’m still losing…
If only they’d stay silent
I kinda wish the rhythm and rhymes were better but it got out all I wanted to say
