I wrap my fingers around the stem, and pick a flower
I crush it in the palm of my hand
And as I bring my palm up to my nose
I still don’t understand
Why death brings sorrow and happiness
Why no one cares
Until the candle of life is snuffed out
And never seen again?
I kick a rock along the road, and it scuttles into a ditch
My back and head hurt
From trying to process why
We’d kick someone till they quit.
I still don’t understand
Why we’re all so dissonant
We think it’s normal and acceptable
To mock or fake innocence.
I kiss someone’s neck, and they moan
I feel self-conscious
When some stare or even comment
On that person and I’s business.
I still don’t understand
Why pleasure is considered a luxury
I thought we all deserved
To feel relaxed and happy.
I walk alone at night, and I’m not scared
I keep that to myself
Because I’m expected to cower in terror
If I bump into someone else.
I still don’t understand
Why I’m expected to be afraid
Of walking whenever I want to
Cos men do that every day.
I put on a flattering outfit, I smile at the mirror
I sneak out the door
Cos if I’m around the wrong people
I get labelled as a *****
I still don’t understand
Why I can’t be sexually free
When men are often like that
They’re ‘behaving normally.’
Sometimes I don’t understand anything, about anything
I’m often left confused
By the everyday events around me
I often feel spent and used.
I still don’t understand
Why this world won’t accommodate me
Instead it’s tirelessly tried
To force me into conformity.
4th November 2017
Nov 3, 2017
Nov 3, 2017 at 10:21 AM UTC
I wrap my fingers around the stem, and pick a flower
I crush it in the palm of my hand
And as I bring my palm up to my nose
I still don’t understand
Why death brings sorrow and happiness
Why no one cares
Until the candle of life is snuffed out
And never seen again?
I kick a rock along the road, and it scuttles into a ditch
My back and head hurt
From trying to process why
We’d kick someone till they quit.
I still don’t understand
Why we’re all so dissonant
We think it’s normal and acceptable
To mock or fake innocence.
I kiss someone’s neck, and they moan
I feel self-conscious
When some stare or even comment
On that person and I’s business.
I still don’t understand
Why pleasure is considered a luxury
I thought we all deserved
To feel relaxed and happy.
I walk alone at night, and I’m not scared
I keep that to myself
Because I’m expected to cower in terror
If I bump into someone else.
I still don’t understand
Why I’m expected to be afraid
Of walking whenever I want to
Cos men do that every day.
I put on a flattering outfit, I smile at the mirror
I sneak out the door
Cos if I’m around the wrong people
I get labelled as a *****
I still don’t understand
Why I can’t be sexually free
When men are often like that
They’re ‘behaving normally.’
Sometimes I don’t understand anything, about anything
I’m often left confused
By the everyday events around me
I often feel spent and used.
I still don’t understand
Why this world won’t accommodate me
Instead it’s tirelessly tried
To force me into conformity.
4th November 2017
I wrote this after a little bit of frustration and mostly flashbacks to a few weeks ago when these things used to REALLY bother me more than they used to. I also have the added burden of being an autistic person who sees and experiences this reality more intensely than a neurotypical person, and this is stated very bluntly in the final stanza.
I hope you enjoy this personal slam style poem (my 2nd this year), and I'll be posting again soon :)
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