I wonder,
What does it feel like
To wear skin
That doesn’t itch with questions?
To belong without trying?
To speak without
Measuring each syllable
as if it might detonate
Some nights, I dream of it.
A world where I
Am happy,
Free,
Normal.
A gentle place where
My mind can be at peace
Without searching for fire.
Where I am not a
Wound in disguise.
Where I arrive.
And nothing aches.
I wonder if
She’s there somewhere-
A version of me
That exists without flinching.
One that doesn't scan every
Silence for what she
Must have done.
One that doesn't rephrase
Ever goodbye.
In ease it's the last.
I imagine her
Walking through the day,
Hands unclenched,
Heart unguarded-
No armor of apologies.
She breathes,
And it isn't labor.
She rests,
And the sky doesn't crumble.
In that place,
Love is not earned
By bleeding beautifully.
Joy is not suspicious.
And my name feels like
Mine when someone
Else says it.
I do not beg the mirror
To be kind.
Or for my mother
To be a mom.
I do not carry the weight
Of being to much,
Or too little.
There,
I wake without dread,
I sleep without guilt.
And for once,
I live without trying.
May 25, 2025
May 25, 2025 at 9:28 PM UTC
I wonder,
What does it feel like
To wear skin
That doesn’t itch with questions?
To belong without trying?
To speak without
Measuring each syllable
as if it might detonate
Some nights, I dream of it.
A world where I
Am happy,
Free,
Normal.
A gentle place where
My mind can be at peace
Without searching for fire.
Where I am not a
Wound in disguise.
Where I arrive.
And nothing aches.
I wonder if
She’s there somewhere-
A version of me
That exists without flinching.
One that doesn't scan every
Silence for what she
Must have done.
One that doesn't rephrase
Ever goodbye.
In ease it's the last.
I imagine her
Walking through the day,
Hands unclenched,
Heart unguarded-
No armor of apologies.
She breathes,
And it isn't labor.
She rests,
And the sky doesn't crumble.
In that place,
Love is not earned
By bleeding beautifully.
Joy is not suspicious.
And my name feels like
Mine when someone
Else says it.
I do not beg the mirror
To be kind.
Or for my mother
To be a mom.
I do not carry the weight
Of being to much,
Or too little.
There,
I wake without dread,
I sleep without guilt.
And for once,
I live without trying.
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