I'm not the person I used to be.
That girl loved pink,
Dressing up in the brightest fluorescent dresses,
Laughing, playing,
Spending hours wrapped in the comfort of friends.
I'm not the person I used to be.
And if I were,
I'd still be stuck in an endless loop.
A carousel of fire, rage,
Raw feelings with nowhere to go.
The girl I used to be suffered.
If I slipped back into her skin,
Knives would pierce my heart,
Placed there by people who see softness,
As an invitation to take advantage.
Sometimes, I visit her again,
When my mind gets loud,
When thoughts start racing and raging,
And I speak before I think,
Blind to the consequences,
And the reasons behind my own reactions.
When I return to her, guilt follows.
It sticks to me like superglue,
Unshakable.
She presses herself against me,
Trying to shield me from harm,
Even when I no longer need the armour she wore.
I like having a bodyguard inside me,
A quiet force built out of survival.
But what good comes without something bad?
With that protection,
Comes the risk of hurting people unintentionally,
Not from cruelty,
But from instinct.
From a heart that's still learning,
It doesn't have to fight to stay safe.
T.H
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 7:55 AM UTC
I'm not the person I used to be.
That girl loved pink,
Dressing up in the brightest fluorescent dresses,
Laughing, playing,
Spending hours wrapped in the comfort of friends.
I'm not the person I used to be.
And if I were,
I'd still be stuck in an endless loop.
A carousel of fire, rage,
Raw feelings with nowhere to go.
The girl I used to be suffered.
If I slipped back into her skin,
Knives would pierce my heart,
Placed there by people who see softness,
As an invitation to take advantage.
Sometimes, I visit her again,
When my mind gets loud,
When thoughts start racing and raging,
And I speak before I think,
Blind to the consequences,
And the reasons behind my own reactions.
When I return to her, guilt follows.
It sticks to me like superglue,
Unshakable.
She presses herself against me,
Trying to shield me from harm,
Even when I no longer need the armour she wore.
I like having a bodyguard inside me,
A quiet force built out of survival.
But what good comes without something bad?
With that protection,
Comes the risk of hurting people unintentionally,
Not from cruelty,
But from instinct.
From a heart that's still learning,
It doesn't have to fight to stay safe.
T.H