I can't really say for sure if I ever knew true love, because I have never understood a clear definition of what it is. I see in the movies - guy meets girl, woos her, they fall in love & live happily ever after; I see family / friends seemingly in love but bickering, fighting, unfortunately sometimes never reconciling. I can truthfully say I have known many loves in its innumerable forms. I have opened my heart only to close it again due to fear, uncertainty, doubt or deceit. I have promised my undying love to not just a few, only to steal my heart back treacherously as if it would cause them no pain. How could it possibly - they lived successfully before they knew or loved me - yet, what if it did? and why am I so "numb" to that pain. Why don't I feel the sting of ripping my OWN heart out of my OWN chest and trampling it every time someone tries to love me? I don't want to be loved - because that leaves me vulnerable to getting hurt.
But I DO want to be loved - God only knows where I'll find it.
© 2012
Jul 4, 2012
Jul 4, 2012 at 1:34 AM UTC
I can't really say for sure if I ever knew true love, because I have never understood a clear definition of what it is. I see in the movies - guy meets girl, woos her, they fall in love & live happily ever after; I see family / friends seemingly in love but bickering, fighting, unfortunately sometimes never reconciling. I can truthfully say I have known many loves in its innumerable forms. I have opened my heart only to close it again due to fear, uncertainty, doubt or deceit. I have promised my undying love to not just a few, only to steal my heart back treacherously as if it would cause them no pain. How could it possibly - they lived successfully before they knew or loved me - yet, what if it did? and why am I so "numb" to that pain. Why don't I feel the sting of ripping my OWN heart out of my OWN chest and trampling it every time someone tries to love me? I don't want to be loved - because that leaves me vulnerable to getting hurt.
But I DO want to be loved - God only knows where I'll find it.
© 2012
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