My magic has disappeared!
dying and withering
Like puff the magic dragon ceasing to be or
like the disappearance of the giving tree
The belief I could be anyone I wanted,
My joy in trying new things and ability to always try my best
My sense of invincibility,
My lack of shame and fearless positivity.
All dried up and gone from me
In my life, I have often desired the wrong things for the wrong reasons
I am happy to see my blind ambition struck down, dead —
like a greedy soldier ends with a spear passing through his head
I tell you truly, I do not miss it,
But my ambition seems to have taken my true dreams with it
sending them scattering, afraid, hiding to avoid being broken or lost
What a miserable cost
The cost or never learning to dance
Of the joy in my Euphonium solos being overcome by insecurity
Of feeling everywhere perceived from my frizzy hair to my tiny feet
The cost of being so disappointed in myself I am afraid to open my ears
Afraid of what I do not wish to hear,
like I have messed up or have caused harm,
that I am hopeless, or broken,
That I will never be someone I can respect,
That lifetimes are built only on regret
The cost of being lazy or afraid to work hard,
The cost of bitterness becoming my new god
The cost of being a bad daughter, sister and friend,
Of choosing loneliness because I can’t trust my love for them
I am like the pennant paying penance instead of living better because it is easier to seek forgiveness that to make amends,
I am like a poet who only writes because they are afraid of a life beyond the endless words echoing in their hollow head
I love to walk but can’t pick up my feet,
Even on a planet that spins and amidst light that moves at impossible speed
Even in a world where trees put forth shoots forever,
I can’t tear myself from the precipice of never
Even when peace waits patiently for me
I cannot surrender
In some lost soul I believe that with enough grace
In this messy world, even messy me has my messy place
But I become daily less certain that I will ever find it.
In a world so full of strength how did I end up so weak?
Can I shed my guilt and fear and become boldly who I want to be?
Can I ever be free?
Or will I postpone courage to no end?
Will I never try again?
I want to believe in my magic!
I’m tired of pretending life is tragic
I want to become a harder worker, a better daughter, sister, and friend
To make the impossible a daily habit!
Like the planet spinning and light moving at impossible speeds
Like the way shoots are put off by trees
I am opening myself like a flower opens for the sun,
I am stretching myself like a flower towards the sun
I am asking for help
I am asking for damage to be undone
Can the universe bless me once again?
Can the universe once more open its infinite heart?
After doing everything so wrong, am I allowed a fresh start?
May 21
May 21, 2026 at 3:52 AM UTC
My magic has disappeared!
dying and withering
Like puff the magic dragon ceasing to be or
like the disappearance of the giving tree
The belief I could be anyone I wanted,
My joy in trying new things and ability to always try my best
My sense of invincibility,
My lack of shame and fearless positivity.
All dried up and gone from me
In my life, I have often desired the wrong things for the wrong reasons
I am happy to see my blind ambition struck down, dead —
like a greedy soldier ends with a spear passing through his head
I tell you truly, I do not miss it,
But my ambition seems to have taken my true dreams with it
sending them scattering, afraid, hiding to avoid being broken or lost
What a miserable cost
The cost or never learning to dance
Of the joy in my Euphonium solos being overcome by insecurity
Of feeling everywhere perceived from my frizzy hair to my tiny feet
The cost of being so disappointed in myself I am afraid to open my ears
Afraid of what I do not wish to hear,
like I have messed up or have caused harm,
that I am hopeless, or broken,
That I will never be someone I can respect,
That lifetimes are built only on regret
The cost of being lazy or afraid to work hard,
The cost of bitterness becoming my new god
The cost of being a bad daughter, sister and friend,
Of choosing loneliness because I can’t trust my love for them
I am like the pennant paying penance instead of living better because it is easier to seek forgiveness that to make amends,
I am like a poet who only writes because they are afraid of a life beyond the endless words echoing in their hollow head
I love to walk but can’t pick up my feet,
Even on a planet that spins and amidst light that moves at impossible speed
Even in a world where trees put forth shoots forever,
I can’t tear myself from the precipice of never
Even when peace waits patiently for me
I cannot surrender
In some lost soul I believe that with enough grace
In this messy world, even messy me has my messy place
But I become daily less certain that I will ever find it.
In a world so full of strength how did I end up so weak?
Can I shed my guilt and fear and become boldly who I want to be?
Can I ever be free?
Or will I postpone courage to no end?
Will I never try again?
I want to believe in my magic!
I’m tired of pretending life is tragic
I want to become a harder worker, a better daughter, sister, and friend
To make the impossible a daily habit!
Like the planet spinning and light moving at impossible speeds
Like the way shoots are put off by trees
I am opening myself like a flower opens for the sun,
I am stretching myself like a flower towards the sun
I am asking for help
I am asking for damage to be undone
Can the universe bless me once again?
Can the universe once more open its infinite heart?
After doing everything so wrong, am I allowed a fresh start?
