My brain doesn't work right.
Most of the time,
I feel like I'm not real.
Like I don't exist.
But more like I don't consciously exist.
It's a very faded feeling.
It's, I guess, like being a ghost.
It's like everyone else is alive.
Like they're real.
They have real live bodies.
But, in comparison, it's like I'm not physically real.
I'm just a dull flicker of consciousness that occassionally flares into a full word.
I'm sorry, but I don't know what that word is, yet.
My brain doesn't work right.
Sometimes,
I feel too much.
Even though I might only be feeling one emotion or I might only be having one thought,
I feel all of it.
I feel everything.
I've been told that it's part of my illness.
That when people have the same chemical imbalances I have,
We feel things fifty times stronger than most people's.
Our emotions cut deeper.
Things mean more to us.
I guess that's why pretty much every great sentimental artist in history was thought to have some sort of Bipolar Disorder.
I guess, people become great and wise when they have Manic Depression Disorder.
But, I guess, only after they die.
Right now, though,
I can't bring myself to feel anything at all.
I suppose it's because some intuitive, subconscious part of myself knows that I'll be feeling much more than my fair share later.
May 23, 2017
May 23, 2017 at 7:49 PM UTC
My brain doesn't work right.
Most of the time,
I feel like I'm not real.
Like I don't exist.
But more like I don't consciously exist.
It's a very faded feeling.
It's, I guess, like being a ghost.
It's like everyone else is alive.
Like they're real.
They have real live bodies.
But, in comparison, it's like I'm not physically real.
I'm just a dull flicker of consciousness that occassionally flares into a full word.
I'm sorry, but I don't know what that word is, yet.
My brain doesn't work right.
Sometimes,
I feel too much.
Even though I might only be feeling one emotion or I might only be having one thought,
I feel all of it.
I feel everything.
I've been told that it's part of my illness.
That when people have the same chemical imbalances I have,
We feel things fifty times stronger than most people's.
Our emotions cut deeper.
Things mean more to us.
I guess that's why pretty much every great sentimental artist in history was thought to have some sort of Bipolar Disorder.
I guess, people become great and wise when they have Manic Depression Disorder.
But, I guess, only after they die.
Right now, though,
I can't bring myself to feel anything at all.
I suppose it's because some intuitive, subconscious part of myself knows that I'll be feeling much more than my fair share later.
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