Everytime I find it,
Im trapped in this cage of fear
Im selfish, two-faced, and a pathological liar
I run away in the pretext of protection,
I break things just to feel the power
The blood on my hands
from the cuts in the past
Leave me with a sense of satisfaction
My room no longer has sharp objects;
But I've using a calling card
To rip my skin into shards.
And nowadays, though I've been clean for a while
I still wonder how high I should climb
before falling
And I told people that I slip and fall,
As precautions must be taken, that's all,
Because if a mountaineer falls of a cliff, it's not their fault.
It's not like its new,
Me wanting leave,
I've never once fought for anything
from the very beginning.
I don't understand the feeling that comes when I say this.
I know its shame
that comes after I carve the cry for help
on my skin, my walls and
every single human interaction I have.
I love the feeling of falling in love
Fantasize the art of being loved by someone
Taken care of, and being known by someone
But all the castles in my head come crashing down
As I hear the voices in my head stumble
Like men with drunken stupor
with no consideration for anyone around of them
and they began to fumble with the cage of words I've locked inside
and the shame of wanting affection :
"Im selfish, two-faced, and a pathological liar"
"I don't deserve the love, when I'm bound to leave them"
"I am the toxic one, in every relationship"
"The only one who can bear me, haven't seen 'me' yet"
"The moment they hold eyes with me, they are gonna take a step back"
Everytime I find love,
I take a step back,
If it's from their side,
I know all I end up doing is break that.
I'm trapped in this cage of fear,
and I could fight or fly
So I take my wings and rise to the sky,
and someday, I'll end up consumed by the sun.
May 24
May 24, 2026 at 7:28 AM UTC
Everytime I find it,
Im trapped in this cage of fear
Im selfish, two-faced, and a pathological liar
I run away in the pretext of protection,
I break things just to feel the power
The blood on my hands
from the cuts in the past
Leave me with a sense of satisfaction
My room no longer has sharp objects;
But I've using a calling card
To rip my skin into shards.
And nowadays, though I've been clean for a while
I still wonder how high I should climb
before falling
And I told people that I slip and fall,
As precautions must be taken, that's all,
Because if a mountaineer falls of a cliff, it's not their fault.
It's not like its new,
Me wanting leave,
I've never once fought for anything
from the very beginning.
I don't understand the feeling that comes when I say this.
I know its shame
that comes after I carve the cry for help
on my skin, my walls and
every single human interaction I have.
I love the feeling of falling in love
Fantasize the art of being loved by someone
Taken care of, and being known by someone
But all the castles in my head come crashing down
As I hear the voices in my head stumble
Like men with drunken stupor
with no consideration for anyone around of them
and they began to fumble with the cage of words I've locked inside
and the shame of wanting affection :
"Im selfish, two-faced, and a pathological liar"
"I don't deserve the love, when I'm bound to leave them"
"I am the toxic one, in every relationship"
"The only one who can bear me, haven't seen 'me' yet"
"The moment they hold eyes with me, they are gonna take a step back"
Everytime I find love,
I take a step back,
If it's from their side,
I know all I end up doing is break that.
I'm trapped in this cage of fear,
and I could fight or fly
So I take my wings and rise to the sky,
and someday, I'll end up consumed by the sun.
I recalled a minute when I realized for the first time that I needed therapy to be loved and be able to equally give love to others. I dream of a love that can take me by a storm, but when it presents itself, I only see the thunderclouds.