I'll live for the first time without looking for love,
I'm far away from my friends so I'll make some new ones.
And I'll cry and scream from the building tops
The moment I feel like something's wrong
I'll work myself to the bone And I'll fill myself up
Read like a person starved for affection
Take pictures until my storage gives up
Gamble on my abilities with all or none
What will I want out loud this summer?
Everything and anything except for a love.
I'm done and tired to be someone's ideal type,
that I've forgotten to live without a person as a crutch.
May 25
May 25, 2026 at 2:11 AM UTC
Everytime I find it,
Im trapped in this cage of fear
Im selfish, two-faced, and a pathological liar
I run away in the pretext of protection,
I break things just to feel the power
The blood on my hands
from the cuts in the past
Leave me with a sense of satisfaction
My room no longer has sharp objects;
But I've using a calling card
To rip my skin into shards.
And nowadays, though I've been clean for a while
I still wonder how high I should climb
before falling
And I told people that I slip and fall,
As precautions must be taken, that's all,
Because if a mountaineer falls of a cliff, it's not their fault.
It's not like its new,
Me wanting leave,
I've never once fought for anything
from the very beginning.
I don't understand the feeling that comes when I say this.
I know its shame
that comes after I carve the cry for help
on my skin, my walls and
every single human interaction I have.
I love the feeling of falling in love
Fantasize the art of being loved by someone
Taken care of, and being known by someone
But all the castles in my head come crashing down
As I hear the voices in my head stumble
Like men with drunken stupor
with no consideration for anyone around of them
and they began to fumble with the cage of words I've locked inside
and the shame of wanting affection :
"Im selfish, two-faced, and a pathological liar"
"I don't deserve the love, when I'm bound to leave them"
"I am the toxic one, in every relationship"
"The only one who can bear me, haven't seen 'me' yet"
"The moment they hold eyes with me, they are gonna take a step back"
Everytime I find love,
I take a step back,
If it's from their side,
I know all I end up doing is break that.
I'm trapped in this cage of fear,
and I could fight or fly
So I take my wings and rise to the sky,
and someday, I'll end up consumed by the sun.
May 24
May 24, 2026 at 7:28 AM UTC
Am I the only one?
Left behind
While everyone runs forward
Am I the only one?
Struck dazed,
Stuck in the past.
Am I the only one?
Waiting for a push,
so I can finally step off
and spread my wings?
Am I the only one?
Am I alone?
I know I am not,
But it is taking me too long
to take a step forward,
and not two backwards,
And I wonder,
Am I Alone?
Dec 4, 2025
Dec 4, 2025 at 11:17 AM UTC
Loves me, Loves me not,
I like the way her eyes,
speak in the light.
Loves me, Loves me not,
I swear I'm not kidding,
about the way he lives in my mind
Loves me, Loves me not,
Our pretty banter we continue,
just to hear the tinge of want,
on each others voice.
Loves me, Loves me not,
To feel your hand in proximity,
And feel the butterflies erupting,
Is this all worth it?
Loves me, Loves me not,
Linger to say goodbye
on calls across the country.
Loves me, Loves me not,
I see you like someone,
I hope I know very well
who this is.
Loves me, Loves me not,
I saw the like on a post,
That related to someone other than me.
Loves me, Loves me not,
You said that person is pretty,
I am not, you just said I was ugly.
Loves me, Loves me not,
You said you love them,
In all of their kindness and for eternity
But I am cruel like love
and I dont deserve even a drop of this sea.
Loves me, Loves me not
The petals on the flower are gone
The flowers in the field are gone,
Theres no other field I can find,
Tears pouring, I've lost my mind.
Loves me, Loves me not,
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
oh.
no. no. no.
oh no.
Loves me, loves me not
Ill love you, It doesnt mind,
If you love me, love me not.
Nov 6, 2025
Nov 6, 2025 at 2:54 AM UTC
and neither the moon nor sun
can comfort me;
one heard my stories about you,
and the other my prayers for you.
The rain could not escape my memory
that you liked the monsoon,
The winds only held gently the expectation
of ruffling your soft hair.
The stream mimicked your laughter
which was etched deeply in my heart.
The sand under my feet told me when it met you
and the salt in the ocean whispered to me that
you threw your wishes as promises,
but wouldn't tell me what those were;
something about secrecy.
The air during my late night walks
reminded me that you walked these paths,
The flowers gushed about your voice,
the trees your jokes;
and then everything
crumbled.
as my mind had to remind me that you died,
and your image I had to forget for my sake.
snatched away so quickly,
I hate that, I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
Jul 6, 2025
Jul 6, 2025 at 7:03 AM UTC
Scent of ocean on his hair,
Im so far
yet it pierces my chest.
Smell of crushed leaves,
On his fingers which he'd snapped to get
my attention
Telling me that I'd been zoned out,
It was his smile, a little tired
Lack of sleep, or a tough day I couldn't decide
Are you ok was just the surface,
Yet I hesitate to scratch it, let it made a scar.
Dance of a few words, and a few hellos
and goodbyes
Hallway interactions with unsure glances
But the sparkle in his eyes compliments
the harmonies in my soul
And though I promised to,
I couldn't let go of the strings.
Mar 23, 2025
Mar 23, 2025 at 11:50 AM UTC
Isn't it funny ,
How when Im happy I feel like something bad is going to happen,
and yet
when Im sad I can't predict happiness,
only predict darkness ahead.
Like I can never see the light ahead of the tunnel,
But always can see the darkness at the end of light.
And Yet, I choose life
Nov 12, 2023
Nov 12, 2023 at 7:52 AM UTC
It is,
Afterall my fault,
For telling my trusted,
With what's in my heart
And expecting them to help me.
It is my fault,
That I don't have the courage
To continue what I started.
Let the thing I started
Range from homework to my life.
It is my fault
For being born, in such a good environment
Cuz even with things people would die for,
I can't live.
Everything is my fault.
This is the truth.
But to myself I lie,
And put the blame on others
Apr 16, 2023
Apr 16, 2023 at 2:38 AM UTC
Sometimes I wonder,
If I was born as a mistake
If I was named by mistake
If I was taken care by mistake
If I was recognised by mistake
Sometimes I wonder,
If i make so many mistakes.
Sometimes I don't.
I know I made the mistakes.
But I lie. And tell them
" By mistake"
So many mistakes, to fill up the big mistake.
The big mistake is me
Apr 15, 2023
Apr 15, 2023 at 2:44 PM UTC