I want it all.
I have a craving for what this world has to offer
and I'm daring to see if it'll be fulfilled.
Yes, shiny baubles and warm sensations
bring them all.
But I also want the depths of human experience
I want love
I want meaning and purpose
To answer to higher call while knowing none exists
Do my words sound cryptic?
As well they should.
Language, poetry, fiction
All are imperfect means of communicating the breadth of consciousness.
They are tools our ancestors created haphazardly,
Quite by accident
In search of reassurance and comfort
In the coldness of existence.
This modicum of life cannot be grasped entirely by any
Save sages and scholars some say.
Mystics and dabblers they are.
Life is not viewed from a single lens.
Would you stare at your lover only through photograph from afar?
Life requires mixing and intersplicing to bear any examination at all
So once again I ask, do my words sound cryptic to you?
I sure hope they do because I hold no answers.
Those I learned long ago are quickly dispersing
with who knows what else
and all to no avail
Apr 25, 2012
Apr 25, 2012 at 3:06 AM UTC
I'm drunk again
And don't know why
Don't even enjoy this high
Seeking escape has never
tasted quite so bleak
as a bottle of ***
What to seek?
What to find?
Am I expanding my mind?
Or silencing what's inside
To write ****** poetry
In an attempt to understand
My inner self's complexity
I'm trying so hard to avoid using the word I
but it's hard when I've abandoned every
notion of universal truth
and fled to this
realm of personal value
that none can dispute
Philosophical barriers
And existential angst
Nihilistic apathy
And the temerity of
too much education
haven't brought me happiness
nor confidence and yet I still
implore my mind for perseverance
towards truth
in the blind hope that honesty
will lead, if not to ecstasy,
At least something other
than bland, half-hearted mediocrity
But these thoughts are all abstractions
Even if they are the foundations for
the straw and bale of my actions
How near my daily deeds
could they possibly stray?
Drugs, *** and insignificance
are the trio of troubles that burden my waking moments.
I know I can be so much more than what I am
I have wit, imagination, and ability
far exceeding my peers
But I lack determination or passion
To mold myself nearer perfection
And overthrow these hurdles
But even then, nothing would be good enough
Not these women, nor these drugs
Not my ministrations, nor these verses
And surely never myself
It's time to put down my pen
For now I'm only half-drunk
And ingenuity requires either clarity
from sobriety or quite a bit more toxicity
Apr 25, 2012
Apr 25, 2012 at 3:05 AM UTC
I've asked myself so many times
in the midst of questioning, doubting,
fumbling, feeling, crying or smiling,
What is love?
It's timidly daring to believe in feelings unsaid
When you first notice the glimmer of a stutter
in your voice or start hedging your words
when she's brought up
When you start dreaming of what you'd say
or everything you'd do to get her to notice you
It's a never-ending pain that steals away your sleep
and siphons your self-esteem when its taken away
by fate, calamity or to another man's bed
The nights you race to stay awake never quite seem to abet
the weight pressing in on your chest
You'll grow to regret time you'll call wasted
And hate the absence of trivial insignificance
Life will seem pointless, unbearable and cruel
Without another to provide your days fuel
It's a burning desire that starts with a whisper
a touch, maybe a kiss
Races through till your mind is parched
Nothing remaining but thoughts of
curves,
moans,
release
It's a silent compromise
that you'll never dare tell
with no one privy except yourself
Looking from afar at the object of your desire
you'll build them up into perfection
while the world seems to put up a million obstructions
telling you she's out of reach, too good
and obviously not interested
It might be fear, obligation, friendship
Any number of things will stand in the way
and let you punish yourself
through and through
for as long as you want to
It's an unstoppable joy
No one can deny
When the arrow flies true
Not walls of concrete
Nor carpets of glue
Will stop you from smiling
at thoughts of the things you'll do
The sky could be purple,
coriander, or just plain blue
Neither of you will care one bit
Or even have a clue
All that matters is right there
in front of you
When you finally say
I do
It's the defining facet of
just what it means to be human
Cynics often scoff and say
"Grow up and stop thinking with your ****
But love is so much more than primal urges
So much more than a meager thrusting and grasping
It encompasses the anticipation of wondering
The exuberance of knowing
It drives men to create, instigate and fabricate
the heights and depths of humanity
Love is all around
In every form from unhealthy to divine
From bold to half-hearted
From heartbreak to just started
Love is all around
Or its absence is sharply found
I know all this now and I've barely scratched the surface
Compared to all others, in this field I'm just a novice
With everything I've said
And everything I've heard
This I still can't answer,
Is love for me?
Apr 25, 2012
Apr 25, 2012 at 3:04 AM UTC
Me without you
Is like scissors without glue
I can cut everything in two
But it takes you to build it up anew
Being with you brings out the best in me
My mood, my passions and even the world I see
flare to life, more vibrant and lovely
than I ever thought they could be
You see, you and me, we're two of a kind
So put your fingers through mine
And let's plan to find
happiness for all time
Because all I know is
Me without you
Just wouldn't do
Sep 1, 2011
Sep 1, 2011 at 10:17 PM UTC
You call me a friend,
So listen to me blather
And splatter, as I pretend
I can mend just what's
left of my heart
Do you see my father up there?
Because I don't.
He's as ethereal as the clouds passing by
Nonsensical, whimsical, unethical
But more than that, absent
Do you see all these people passing by?
I do.
I stare at every one
Hoping for a lover, a friend or even an enemy
Anything familiar or functional.
I just need someone to put their hand out
And who gives a **** what it's for
I sure as hell won't ask
I just need to be touched
Do you see your face in the mirror?
I sure as hell can
It's the face that haunts my every thought
I don't know if this is love or obsession
But either way, I can't get you to leave
me with your affection
I know this isn't how it's supposed to go
But how can I say no
To love, in spite of all the sorrow
Do you see me?
Because I'm not sure he's there
You see the show
All glitter and glow
Me when I'm strong
Not when I'm wrong
I see me through a veil
Only partly there
I see the good
And the pain
But there's plenty I miss
I want to see
I want parents who care
I want relationships that can weather the wear
I want you to be there
I'm petty, greedy
And ever so needy
I'm scared and spiteful
and even hurtful
But never mindful
of what I really need
So now do you see?
This is me
weak and foolish
And not at all
who I want to be
Sep 1, 2011
Sep 1, 2011 at 10:14 PM UTC
I feel like I'm wasting away my life yearning for love
Discontent with normalcy
I want to soar atop the waves of desire
Feel my heart pound at the possibilities
And have my veins course with thoughts of someone else
No matter where I end up
I'd rather thrill through the valleys of my heart
Than live my life in temerity
Afraid of anyone else
At least, that's what I tell myself
It's a shame my actions shout another story
Trapped in the past
Not knowing how to let go
Hoping for another chance
I'm closing off everyone else
And so I'm left yearning, hurting, and wondering
How I came to waste my heart away
Jul 11, 2011
Jul 11, 2011 at 4:00 PM UTC
I look at what others create
And if I'm to be quite honest
There is little there I can appreciate
All I see are children and sages
Leaving my intellect yawning
or befuddled in mazes
Jealousy and pride
Have walled me in
But it's alright
Because my own elegance
Brightens the night.
Apr 24, 2011
Apr 24, 2011 at 8:28 PM UTC
It feels like I can't breathe
And I won't tell me why
No matter how he pleads
Maybe I miss the light from your eyes
Maybe my sanity's said goodbye
And as quick as they came,
The
demons
are
gone
again.
The ennui rushes in
And I whisper - I'll heal
I'll run from being comfortably numb,
Ignore the dreadfully appealing
Idea of hiding from feeling
All that I can do,
But what terrifies me
Are the thoughts of you.
Mar 27, 2011
Mar 27, 2011 at 10:37 PM UTC
Dead on the inside
I can't conjure any inspiration
to lift my imagination
from this barren plain
Searching for stimulation
I've stumbled across enunciation
In those rare moments
when the torrent of my heart overflows
But now my chest is lacking
since all the valleys and hills have been flattened.
In the mountains where my muse reposed
All that remains are empty paths of prose
So I'll write.
Where once I put pen to screen
to catch my screams
Now I'll clatter away to
Escape the doldrum of emotional boredom
Feb 13, 2011
Feb 13, 2011 at 9:38 PM UTC
I could fly if I
tried ○ To where fey delight
lies ○ And in the moonlight
rest before ascending higher yet
♥
Fair or foul, none would elsewhere
stare ○ Because see, I am up there
bare ○ Dizzying dives of despair
shared ○ While breathtaking climbs, with flair,
part cloudy veils
♥
Oh, how my wings would, like the sun's echo,
glow ○ Sparkling eyes would the course of tomorrow
know ○ And with nary a care, choose to forego
woe ○ I'd swoop and swirl and soar, to through shadow,
flow ○ And still dancing unmoored, dare to follow
dreams yet undreamt.
♥
I could fly if only I tried
All the way to where happiness lies
But why bother
When all that rises must falter
Aug 9, 2010
Aug 9, 2010 at 6:30 PM UTC