A new Saturday slaps me in the face as my body suddenly becomes conscious. My brother's obnoxious alarm sounds through the hallway. Turn that off already, June. I recite the words of my mother, Kat, inside my head. Then, I hear her voice from the bedroom down the hall, "June, honey, can't you turn that off?!" See, I told you it was coming. My mother is trying to get more sleep since she switched from the day to night shift, and since my brother has his alarm on repeat till he wakes up- which won't be for another 20 minutes, I'm the one who has to shut it off. Yawning, I gingerly swing my legs over the edge of my bed, still sore from helping my brother chase the dogs he walks. That's a story for another time.
I make the routine trip to his room, and open the door. There lies Kam, his legs too long for his bed, his room too clean for my liking. I reach over his peaceful body and the click click of the off button echos. Just as I turn the door **** a fleck of white outside gravitates my eyes toward the window. What? It can't be. They're sleeping! Ghost-like figures of my brother and mother are walking away from the house hand in hand. I rub my eyes and they're still there. How?
Somehow, seeing them without me makes my heart drop. Memories of birthdays come to mind, Kat always made those days so special. All the bright decorations and gifts. The sweet smiles and strawberry cake. She always puts so much hard work into whatever she does. Then I remembered the look of relief on Kam's face when I caught one of the dogs who braved the electric fence. Kindel didn't have to bring me along on his job and split his income with me. But he did anyway.
I looked out the window again to see that the fake versions of my family were still walking- without me. Desperately, more desperately than ever before, I wanted to be with them. To walk with them, and hold their hands. I keep staring, watching, waiting for them to walk my way. But, instead, they disappear- without me.
My hands instantly cover the newly discovered pools in my eyes. I can't help it. I've never cried before, but my body suddenly releases all the tension it's ever held.
A gentle hand suddenly touches my shoulder, "Hey! Hey! J! What's with the tear- '' Instantly, I turn around and hug Kam tight. So tight that he coughs. "Aw Jbird! cough I love you." My face buried into his broad shoulders, I can feel myself softly smiling in relief.
Feb 25, 2021
Feb 25, 2021 at 9:35 PM UTC
Maybe I'll wake up feeling better
Maybe my pain will go away
Tomorrow morning
Maybe I'll wake up with a
smile
on my face
Maybe I'll be okay
When the moon leaves
Maybe the tears will dry
When the light breaks
Maybe my thoughts will drift away
This weight on my back
This cut in my heart
This hole in my brain
This scar on my hand
These bags under my eyes
This hurt in my body
Might go away
If tomorrow morning comes
Today
Mar 2, 2020
Mar 2, 2020 at 6:41 PM UTC
They explain what I went through
Said it had purpose, meaning
Said that I'm better off
A lesson learned is knowledge gained
Is what they say
But how do you describe my pain
From day to day
Still lingering
Forever the same
No matter what I do
To try and escape
It's always a part of my
Heart
So now what can you say?
Mar 2, 2020
Mar 2, 2020 at 6:36 PM UTC
Dead men dance
With freedom in their hands
Gone is the world
Gone are their plans
They have nothing
Yet nothing is okay
Embracing the beauty within the mundane
Wishing
Wishing
They were alive
Mar 2, 2020
Mar 2, 2020 at 6:34 PM UTC
Tell me
how do I fall out of love?
I know its not common,
with everyone floating into
love
but I want to leave
this land
of love
So teach me
to stop loving
to stop holding
to stop waiting
for truth
I'm done with love
I'm done with you
Jan 24, 2020
Jan 24, 2020 at 10:00 AM UTC
and so we run
chasing
with arms
reaching
pulling
flailing
grabbing
pushing
stretching
blind to what's
already
in front of us
whatever you feel first
(they say)
grab it
keep it
hold it
cherish it
don't let it go
don't let anyone take it
and so we run
and fight
and beat
and curse
and torture
and scream
to claim what we believe is
ours
who is they exactly?
we will never know
but we decided to listen to them
and so we run
and so we run
will we stop?
and so we run
and so we run
will you stop?
and so we run
and so we run
will I stop?
and so we run
and so we run
but eventually we get tired
no one knows it yet, but we will get tired
and what happens after that?
-we run-
Oct 22, 2019
Oct 22, 2019 at 6:29 PM UTC
Once you
experience
something
it becomes
easier, harder
to talk about
harder, easier
to think about
Oct 22, 2019
Oct 22, 2019 at 6:22 PM UTC