I wish I could sing songs or play for you
sweet, beautiful notes hugging loving words.
These words on paper, although loved by you,
never seem enough for me to describe
all that you’ve happily sacrificed so
I could be who I am. You love my words,
but you forget that you are the reason
I write on this paper and bang on baby
grand keys. I haven’t made myself this poet
and player alone, without loving help
from a loving father who quietly
gives his support in laughter and sweet tears.
Dad, I love you, and I’m eternally
grateful for being your annoying kid.
Apr 9, 2013
Apr 9, 2013 at 6:12 PM UTC
Make time for that car ride because it will
Be worth the hours and long-lost time.
Nervous heartbeats and impatience until
The next time we are home in our arms. I’m
Thinking it’s going to go fast even
Though it feels so slow when it’s happening.
Because something in you I believe in
Tells me that in us flowers are growing.
Opening up a petal that reveals
Just one more small thing to love about you,
The touch, the kiss, your everything feels
Like you’re telling me you love me. You do.
And I’m carrying your heart. It’s the most
Precious thing I am holding. Please come close.
Apr 9, 2013
Apr 9, 2013 at 6:10 PM UTC
The days she finds something new
That whispers “wrong” into her heart
Seem to precede the cold nights
The sad longing of her heart for him
Hurts with the realization of their wrongness for each other
Apr 9, 2013
Apr 9, 2013 at 6:09 PM UTC
My eyes are bloodshot
But they aren’t tired just yet
My eyes look like I’ve seen too much smoke
Like they have swum in too much salt water
They are so dark the edges are almost blue
My friends thought they were black for a while
Two bruises that show everything I’ve felt
Show the scars I cut willingly into my skin
He touched me once or twice when I didn’t want it
I didn’t leave though
His fingers exploring my insides in ways no one ever should
I stayed though because that’s what I do, what I did.
I needed to save him from himself because
He hurt himself more than he hurt me
And he bruised my eyes pretty bad.
Another, he showed me what it meant to not want to live
What it took to beat a soul down to the size of nonexistence
What it took to **** him to the tune of Brand New
I always hated Brand New because it reminded me of you
You with your sad, exhausted eyes and sadistic laugh
I could tell that your laugh didn’t always sound like that
That one bad day, just enough people warped your laugh
Like the sun warps wood, so slow you can hear it
Each crack of the wood breaking your faith, breaking your will
And I lied with you that night on that carpet
As the little white pills mixed with that whiskey
And I carried you to the bed and didn’t call 911
Because you knew that’d be too easy.
After I left, you went down to the river and almost left
A month later, you called to say a 3-hour goodbye
You didn’t end up leaving the ground, so I had to leave you instead
Because my heart broke that morning for the final time
Like wood snapping under the pressure of the too-hot sun
My eyes are bloodshot
But they aren’t tired just yet
Because when I left, I left my crucifix
To the vultures because it was either that or me
And I’m tired of being eaten alive by sad souls
Who don’t know what they’re doing.
Apr 9, 2013
Apr 9, 2013 at 6:02 PM UTC
The windy winter day came
and blew out the candle
The absence of its heat noticeable
Like the emptiness of a life left
I never said I couldn’t be pushed away
Never claimed to be strong enough for you
I made a mistake in testing your love
My emaciated love pushed to the edge
and died.
Jan 29, 2012
Jan 29, 2012 at 5:20 PM UTC
I want something big and bold
I want to show it to the world
I want people to scream with delight
When I write something new
But then again, I want something secret
I want to write amazing lines just for me
I want my inspiration to be from something
That’s only from me, lines that are only for me
I want to capture what I really feel
Like how the music seizes my soul
And how I fight for it to let go
I want to be a Wordsworth or Neruda
But then again, I want to be unknown
I want to give my words to only a few
For they mean more than the world to me
Because they are the spirit that breathes in me
I want to tear at people’s souls
Like how people rip through mine
I want people to request my poems
Like they request songs on the radio
But then again, I want no one to know of my writings
Because my writings are my secret companions
I want not a soul to cherish them except I
Because my writings are mine
Aug 18, 2011
Aug 18, 2011 at 11:19 PM UTC
why am i the one
who offers to carry
your heart in my hand
i promise to keep it
safe in the form
of holding your secrets
i unconsciously let people
in even when it hurts
both of us to open myself again
i carry your heart in my hand for safe keeping
in a little hand-carved box worth millions
and hide that box in my own heart
Aug 18, 2011
Aug 18, 2011 at 11:16 PM UTC
I tie my own ropes around my hands
tight, sadness cutting into my wrists
and tired eyes wanting rest
But I have nothing to be tired for
I have nothing to complain about
These binds are self-inflicted
by loneliness surrounded by crowds
My feet are tired and my eyes drooping
but today I feel like there is something
to the world
Jun 9, 2011
Jun 9, 2011 at 9:02 PM UTC
When I’m not scared,
I get brave
But I haven’t felt that part of me
In so long but I want it
I want it more than seeing the ocean one more time
I want salt water in my eyes
Blurring my vision but making
me see clearer into myself
I want to feel so much more like
how I feel when pen’s scratching paper
Jun 9, 2011
Jun 9, 2011 at 9:01 PM UTC
The presence of you in my head
the ghost of what I could have had
He’s not like you and I can’t stand it
He’s angry at me for ******** up everything
His voice rips through my anxious thoughts
like the invisible blade cutting through my heart
And I just want to tell you that it’s not a clean cut
It’s messy and hurts like hell, but I blame myself
Jun 9, 2011
Jun 9, 2011 at 8:58 PM UTC