xavierattemptswritingpoetry

I cleared my desk today I trashed pieces of paper, old receipts and movie tickets I crushed and tossed letters and brochures Perhaps its nothing to many of you A simple clearing, of items that you no longer need But to me, it was so much more than that In this mass of what others may call trash are items that hold memories and scrapped futures Because I remember them all Every movie we went for Every cafe we visited Every letter or piece of news that we struggled or celebrated together It was landfill of triggers that I was rummaging through eyes wide open I was exposed This gravity was craving in Like an insurmountable weight Place on top my chest I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see You've tried for months I told myself Today's the day you will do it Put those memories away But how did I do it you ask? How was it possible to no longer feel? Truth is, I felt it all. The weight still came in waves As each item still screamed for its place to stay But I was no longer in the mood for mercy For they have haunted me long enough Piece by piece, I was being set free Perhaps what I felt in all these moments was genuine Perhaps I only felt what I wanted to Perhaps all I did was layer to stay longer in your storm To keep you company, to lift you up But it mattered not For I knew that starting today I no longer wanted to feel that way For this is not the love I want not deserve So for the last time I did what I had to Just like when you were in lalaland I kissed the only picture you let me keep With the same feeling of longing in my heart But today, it was goodbye. With that, I placed you far and high Out of my reach I cleared my desk today Removed all the artefacts That I marked my precious I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see But I knew it was necessary I knew deep down that I had more to give But it mattered not For it was time to go. To all the things that weren't meant to be I'm here saying my final apologies For I knew that my rage is strength For I knew that I had more to give For I knew that this was not the end of my story For I knew that I am grateful for all that life has given The people, the love, the pain, the suffering I love and am thankful for it all But still a mark has not been made And my fire lies unsatisfied My fate calls for my awakening once more And this time, There are no chains on me No gravity that shall bound me No fear that will stop me For deep in me, I feel power Power that will allow me to walk the path that is dark and unknown For I am wiser and stronger Than I have ever been Let's do this, round 2.

0

Jun 25, 2020

Jun 25, 2020 at 11:03 AM UTC

I cleared my desk today

I cleared my desk today I trashed pieces of paper, old receipts and movie tickets I crushed and tossed letters and brochures Perhaps its nothing to many of you A simple clearing, of items that you no longer need But to me, it was so much more than that In this mass of what others may call trash are items that hold memories and scrapped futures Because I remember them all Every movie we went for Every cafe we visited Every letter or piece of news that we struggled or celebrated together It was landfill of triggers that I was rummaging through eyes wide open I was exposed This gravity was craving in Like an insurmountable weight Place on top my chest I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see You've tried for months I told myself Today's the day you will do it Put those memories away But how did I do it you ask? How was it possible to no longer feel? Truth is, I felt it all. The weight still came in waves As each item still screamed for its place to stay But I was no longer in the mood for mercy For they have haunted me long enough Piece by piece, I was being set free Perhaps what I felt in all these moments was genuine Perhaps I only felt what I wanted to Perhaps all I did was layer to stay longer in your storm To keep you company, to lift you up But it mattered not For I knew that starting today I no longer wanted to feel that way For this is not the love I want not deserve So for the last time I did what I had to Just like when you were in lalaland I kissed the only picture you let me keep With the same feeling of longing in my heart But today, it was goodbye. With that, I placed you far and high Out of my reach I cleared my desk today Removed all the artefacts That I marked my precious I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see But I knew it was necessary I knew deep down that I had more to give But it mattered not For it was time to go. To all the things that weren't meant to be I'm here saying my final apologies For I knew that my rage is strength For I knew that I had more to give For I knew that this was not the end of my story For I knew that I am grateful for all that life has given The people, the love, the pain, the suffering I love and am thankful for it all But still a mark has not been made And my fire lies unsatisfied My fate calls for my awakening once more And this time, There are no chains on me No gravity that shall bound me No fear that will stop me For deep in me, I feel power Power that will allow me to walk the path that is dark and unknown For I am wiser and stronger Than I have ever been Let's do this, round 2.

76

Sometimes I dream of sunsets and warm clouds The end to a tiresome long day I see the birds return to their little nests And how the crickets came out to play I dream of places we used to go A path, A tree, A forest Places where I've seen rainbows without rain It was just like I've woken up for the first time Head heavy. Eyes weary. As I sit up I got basked in yellow, comforting rays They hug me in deep embrace I sigh "It's beautiful" I said I come to be awake But it seems like I've lost my glasses For I see no one else, but myself on that bench I tap the planks of wood that have endured rain and shine Tap, TaP, TAp But the rays hugged no one, but me Comforted no one, but me This silence grew uneasy I focused in, squinting eyes and ears For something, someone But all I heard Was the wind rustle through the leaves And it whispered to me , "you're fine" Was I?

0

Apr 19, 2020

Apr 19, 2020 at 7:28 AM UTC

xavierattemptswritingpoetry

A dream

Sometimes I dream of sunsets and warm clouds The end to a tiresome long day I see the birds return to their little nests And how the crickets came out to play I dream of places we used to go A path, A tree, A forest Places where I've seen rainbows without rain It was just like I've woken up for the first time Head heavy. Eyes weary. As I sit up I got basked in yellow, comforting rays They hug me in deep embrace I sigh "It's beautiful" I said I come to be awake But it seems like I've lost my glasses For I see no one else, but myself on that bench I tap the planks of wood that have endured rain and shine Tap, TaP, TAp But the rays hugged no one, but me Comforted no one, but me This silence grew uneasy I focused in, squinting eyes and ears For something, someone But all I heard Was the wind rustle through the leaves And it whispered to me , "you're fine" Was I?

28

I'm on a hunt for darkness in darkness The kind that would let me drift Into lands beyond my imagination Where silence does not lie, or mock or cry I want a tranqualised darkness, No scratch, cry nor song I want to hear only black, the kind of black so deep you fall into it The kind of black so dense nothing squeezes through The weight of the endless hunt presses down on me each step lifting of the ground lesser than the last They hold my ankles so tightly, all these chains that put marks on me and yet these hooks on my eyelids they force me to see all and forget none They are tired of the number of times we repent, their forgiveness stretching thin and so we drag ourselves thorugh the crushing darkness pushing through the fog, one blade at a time Darkness hunting darkness

0

Aug 26, 2019

Aug 26, 2019 at 9:57 AM UTC

xavierattemptswritingpoetry

Hunting Darkness

I'm on a hunt for darkness in darkness The kind that would let me drift Into lands beyond my imagination Where silence does not lie, or mock or cry I want a tranqualised darkness, No scratch, cry nor song I want to hear only black, the kind of black so deep you fall into it The kind of black so dense nothing squeezes through The weight of the endless hunt presses down on me each step lifting of the ground lesser than the last They hold my ankles so tightly, all these chains that put marks on me and yet these hooks on my eyelids they force me to see all and forget none They are tired of the number of times we repent, their forgiveness stretching thin and so we drag ourselves thorugh the crushing darkness pushing through the fog, one blade at a time Darkness hunting darkness

16

Time is ticking As you distance from me, I can’t seem to take any more steps For nailed into my feet are weights that I can’t seem to shake lose Blown into my head are the ashes of a recent past I cough at the taste of burnt paper, as my vision waters at the remains of photopaper Time is ticking and seconds never slow I sense your arms slipping from mine, but these bridges seem far too unstable This mouth is far too cautious to even mumble, In fear that the slightest vibration would send us free falling But alas time is ticking, and its minutes are running But although I am mouse, I am not without my gifts For I have decided That I will give you an unnoticeable gift The gift of eternal life. As my mind maffles the words to say, My hands that will etch each recollection into concrete A timeless string, moments frozen into snow globes Regardless of how the finale is written, I have bookmarked every page till the end of time Know that your swords have allowed this mouse to roar Know that your shield has given a blanket of comfort Hours are now zooming by, sunset after sunset. I silently but clearly dedicate this to you The one who shall never see the truth Perhaps one day you would realise that Metallic hearts feel and rocks breathe too Listen carefully to what the cave echoes and you would notice the whispers I have so bravely let slip my mind Behind these ear-shattering ticks, Do you not see all that bleeds from the cold? Do you not see the circles I’ve escaped to hold you? Who am I to judge for my vision has too been stripped from me As I feel my way around darkness, your lighthouse is my only salvation Time has stopped ticking As I stand in the embracing rain, as droplets fall in synchrony Used ink bottles laid all around May I have this honour to pen future chapters, Or will it all restart when time resets Reminding me that it was all a mere fantasy, And that a fool I was destined to be

0

Apr 21, 2018

Apr 21, 2018 at 12:20 PM UTC

xavierattemptswritingpoetry

Time is ticking

Time is ticking As you distance from me, I can’t seem to take any more steps For nailed into my feet are weights that I can’t seem to shake lose Blown into my head are the ashes of a recent past I cough at the taste of burnt paper, as my vision waters at the remains of photopaper Time is ticking and seconds never slow I sense your arms slipping from mine, but these bridges seem far too unstable This mouth is far too cautious to even mumble, In fear that the slightest vibration would send us free falling But alas time is ticking, and its minutes are running But although I am mouse, I am not without my gifts For I have decided That I will give you an unnoticeable gift The gift of eternal life. As my mind maffles the words to say, My hands that will etch each recollection into concrete A timeless string, moments frozen into snow globes Regardless of how the finale is written, I have bookmarked every page till the end of time Know that your swords have allowed this mouse to roar Know that your shield has given a blanket of comfort Hours are now zooming by, sunset after sunset. I silently but clearly dedicate this to you The one who shall never see the truth Perhaps one day you would realise that Metallic hearts feel and rocks breathe too Listen carefully to what the cave echoes and you would notice the whispers I have so bravely let slip my mind Behind these ear-shattering ticks, Do you not see all that bleeds from the cold? Do you not see the circles I’ve escaped to hold you? Who am I to judge for my vision has too been stripped from me As I feel my way around darkness, your lighthouse is my only salvation Time has stopped ticking As I stand in the embracing rain, as droplets fall in synchrony Used ink bottles laid all around May I have this honour to pen future chapters, Or will it all restart when time resets Reminding me that it was all a mere fantasy, And that a fool I was destined to be

45

Am I to let go once again To play the fool I have mocked from that day Am I going to refuse chances To play the coward I have avoided since that day I wish I approached this with not fear but acceptance like I've trained myself to all this while But honestly I feel the scars to this day Not the pain I received but rather from the pain I gave For this emotion's complexity runs far too wide I am only human Humans don't walk into caves with no torch Nor do they dive into oceans without tanks I open my mouth only to utter silence For I am speechless in heart but screaming in mind I apologise in advance with all sincerity That I treat this with such hesitance It's not that I'm made of wood or rock I show no emotion not because I'm heartless But because I have felt so much, that it no longer tugs my remaining heartstrings Perhaps I am not worthy of such magic But i hope you see that your intelligence is boundless That your kindness awes me and your beauty stuns me truly But above all, that your imperfections are what gives you identity Treasure every scar for what makes you captivating is not the amount of outfits you own But the strength of your honesty I miss the innocence that we once shared But I am torn up now Unwanted and thrown aside My struggle shall echo in this cave that I've lost myself in As I take steps forward round and round Pulling the chains that **** me, pulling the locks that bind me Clinging on to the hope that you have given me For it is what I selfishly take for my own

0

Mar 31, 2018

Mar 31, 2018 at 9:04 AM UTC

xavierattemptswritingpoetry

An apology from a heartbroken fool

Am I to let go once again To play the fool I have mocked from that day Am I going to refuse chances To play the coward I have avoided since that day I wish I approached this with not fear but acceptance like I've trained myself to all this while But honestly I feel the scars to this day Not the pain I received but rather from the pain I gave For this emotion's complexity runs far too wide I am only human Humans don't walk into caves with no torch Nor do they dive into oceans without tanks I open my mouth only to utter silence For I am speechless in heart but screaming in mind I apologise in advance with all sincerity That I treat this with such hesitance It's not that I'm made of wood or rock I show no emotion not because I'm heartless But because I have felt so much, that it no longer tugs my remaining heartstrings Perhaps I am not worthy of such magic But i hope you see that your intelligence is boundless That your kindness awes me and your beauty stuns me truly But above all, that your imperfections are what gives you identity Treasure every scar for what makes you captivating is not the amount of outfits you own But the strength of your honesty I miss the innocence that we once shared But I am torn up now Unwanted and thrown aside My struggle shall echo in this cave that I've lost myself in As I take steps forward round and round Pulling the chains that **** me, pulling the locks that bind me Clinging on to the hope that you have given me For it is what I selfishly take for my own

33

Step into this room of white 4 walls higher than you can imagine Step into my canvas or what it seems to be But hidden behind outrageous walls Is a Pandora's box that you shall never see For those who do are subjected to fear For those who do are subjects of fear Curiosity to step deeper to this labyrinth How far you truly are from my domain I am an artist. I paint black canvases. Pure, innocent black canvases. This is a different game we play, two pieces on a vast dark board. Thoughts advance. Feelings cornered. Checkmate. You are discarded. Free falling down this pitch black pinhole Final station. Boundless fate. I scream in this vacuum of my own creation Not in pain, but in joy For down here, they look at all 4 directions, But see nothing on these freshly painted walls. For they never look down at the ground Where their feet are stained with black ink As my brush paints on it's canvas, an unimpeachable sanguine abyss.

0

Aug 30, 2017

Aug 30, 2017 at 9:57 PM UTC

xavierattemptswritingpoetry

Illusion

Step into this room of white 4 walls higher than you can imagine Step into my canvas or what it seems to be But hidden behind outrageous walls Is a Pandora's box that you shall never see For those who do are subjected to fear For those who do are subjects of fear Curiosity to step deeper to this labyrinth How far you truly are from my domain I am an artist. I paint black canvases. Pure, innocent black canvases. This is a different game we play, two pieces on a vast dark board. Thoughts advance. Feelings cornered. Checkmate. You are discarded. Free falling down this pitch black pinhole Final station. Boundless fate. I scream in this vacuum of my own creation Not in pain, but in joy For down here, they look at all 4 directions, But see nothing on these freshly painted walls. For they never look down at the ground Where their feet are stained with black ink As my brush paints on it's canvas, an unimpeachable sanguine abyss.

25