Today I officially said those words
we so desperately needed to hear
The words were on the tip of my tongue
but my mouth couldn't open
I started out with
"You know I love you right?"
Because I had to make sure you knew
Not just before, but even now
Your eyes changed attitude
your voice became blank
You assumed what path I'd taken us on
I reluctantly continued my words
Feeling like every word ripped you farther away from me
But you agreed
Although your eyes screamed a different story
You smiled
Said you weren't dying inside
So I leaned against you,
hoping you'd feel the connection and love between us
rushing from electron to electron
faster than ever
The understanding we have for one each other
In pain and in desire
We're forever bonded in love, friendship
and in difference
I love you
Jul 13, 2017
Jul 13, 2017 at 2:39 AM UTC
It started as 21 questions.
We'd ask each other what we were afraid to speak openly
We admit we're not great at relationships
but don't understand that in that moment,
we created a surging bond between our two hearts.
Your touch was like fire,
mine ice.
Our kisses never soft
Your lips penetrated the deepest parts of my soul
Your brown eyes sparkled with desire
You took a part of me
Physically and emotionally
As I was suddenly finding myself falling
You were on a different cloud,
visiting another angel.
You saw me, rib cage open
Heart hopeful
So you took your bow and arrow,
and shot me out of the sky.
In your arms I lay bleeding.
You whisper you love me,
as your arrow take away your part of me,
draining this void you once began to fill.
Tears leave my eyes as you gently place a kiss on my forehead,
sending my body back up to the skies.
But now I continue to float endlessly.
Watching my surroundings change,
fill with clouds and spaces of air
but inside,
I feel empty, unmoving.
I thought my life was a book,
one people wanted to read and
maybe find a new way of life.
A happier way of life.
But now it seems,
my life is an acoustic song,
only filled with tragedies.
Jun 5, 2017
Jun 5, 2017 at 2:06 PM UTC
There are no words to describe the emotions rushing through my head
But I can give you a glimpse
Of what I'm battling on the inside
Smile wide
but it doesn't reach my eyes
Eat more
eat less
either way I'm skin and bones
Silence covers my blaring screams
A cage wrapped around my mind
Enclosing nothing and everything
The future seems dark
almost untouchable
I run miles each day
chasing day dreams
Just dreams
My heart pounds
but is it really mine?
An hand comes and grasps it tightly
taking a bite
Mouth full of ash and ice
it repulses
Throwing my heart to the ground
I hate to admit it
but that's the only time I've felt alive.
May 29, 2017
May 29, 2017 at 2:03 AM UTC
Tonight, I'm regretting so many things
Things from the past, things already done
Old lovers whose hearts I broke
But who are now happy, smiling and prospering in their own lives
I can't help but look down and notice I'm in the familiar grounds of woe
Stuck
I know I'm a monster
A beast given too many chances to count on a clawed hand
My desires have deprived me of the knowledge I needed to learn
I'm left here burned, scarred
Not by them, but by me
Consumed by meaningless apologies
Sorries I'll never admit
I don't want to become a raging fire
No not anymore
I want to find the light they're so in love with
I want to fight myself to find my way
I need to distance myself from the dark part of me
The part of me that wants more
Then wants less
I need to erase the bad and accept the good
Forget my wrong and try to build my right
I'm dying because of this demon inside
No one can see it
But I can feel it
Distance is the only way
Jan 23, 2017
Jan 23, 2017 at 11:35 PM UTC
I want to change.
I want to feel it rushing through my veins,
growing in my bones
and threading through my thoughts.
I want to change for better this time,
rather than worse.
I want to change in a way not only I notice.
Strangers will look at me and think
"She's a new person now, look at her aura"
I want to prove to my surroundings that I can bare to be compos mentis.
Mother nature will close around me in a way I can finally understand.
Stress is no longer an obstacle but an opportunity.
Uncertainty is no longer scary, but alluring.
I can't stand to see my time go wasted.
Chances never taken.
My mind, body and soul will be one,
not three.
Jan 23, 2017
Jan 23, 2017 at 10:43 PM UTC
We left without a goodbye. Reasons, I don't care to remember at this point. I hurt your delicate soul. You were warned too late. I can't even begin an apology letter because I don't deserve your forgiveness.
If you think I am any happier than I was before I met you, you're sadly mistaken. You believe that hand is of another women, no my sweetness.
It is my creators hand. The only person I haven't destroyed because well, how could anyone destroy their own mother..
You fell for a cold-hearted monster, I'm sorry. You didn't deserve any of the pain I gave you, but you took it anyway and let me spoil you more. I believe you deserve what the world has to offer, but my darling, I am not a creature of this planet, I can not give what is not mine.
I would regret it so much if you were to not smile everyday. Because you have a warm heart, a good soul. You were an arctic willow in my garden of darkness.
I'm sorry I couldn't keep you living inside my hollow world of forgotten things.. You are not a stupid girl. In fact, believe me when I say you did the greatest thing by letting this shadow go.
I will forever remember the way I made you feel. Because I could brighten up someone else when I couldn't even brighten myself.
You will always be a stitch in my soul that could never be undone. I am grateful to have meet you, my sweet arctic willow.
Dec 2, 2016
Dec 2, 2016 at 1:17 PM UTC
I've been more distant tha usual
One word replies
There's an extra effort to make a conversation
And to keep it going
Our good nights are no longer anticipated
We no longer fall asleep on video
Hours at a time
Our everyday convos get shorter and shorter
My want to stay silent grows stronger
There's an extra effort from you to express your love
An extra effort from me to be an cold ***
Guilt rushes in and quickly goes when I don't say I love you back
Distance is my new best friend
You say you know
But you don't know how much I want to be honest
You don't know that the feeling of desire is slowly fading
I won't tell you
I'll just let you assume and guess
I'm getting a bit dreary of this effort
This effort to stay in love
Nov 19, 2016
Nov 19, 2016 at 4:23 AM UTC
We would be walking in the chilly air.
Soft and frequent cheers from young monsters and fairies
The common 'trick or treat' as a door becomes ajar
We would be a pair
You'll complete mine
And I'll complete yours
An occasional scare from a ****** clown or beast
Brings me closer to your warmth
We ditch the crowded sidewalks for a cozy bed
Accompanied by hot cocoa and a fuzzy blanket
An endless amount of Halloween themed movies
Starting with The Nightmare Before Christmas
Ending with gore and guts
My eyes sheltered by your chest
We'd look back at the pictures taken
Printing them on the Polaroid
Our memories on paper
You'd pull me closer
Tell me how sweet I smell
I'd giggle and deny it
Slowly but surely our eyelids begin to weigh
We finally succumb to the unwanted
but needed, sleep
Our nightmares subdued by the feeling of being next to one another
But sadly...
I'm here
Listening to the leaves sway outside
You're there
Probably playing a game,
yelling at your TV
All I can do is express the desires for us,
for now
Oct 31, 2016
Oct 31, 2016 at 10:22 PM UTC
I won't admit it
I'm tipsy tonight
So I'll bite my tongue as my insides churn
My mind races and skids
I don't want to hear your words
I don't want your embrace
I'm lost in my own world
Reality and imagination collide into one
My hands shake from not eating
The ethanol is pushing its way through my veins
Invading my thoughts and heartbeat
My pulse slows
I won't admit it
I'm a bit tipsier than I should be
My emotions slowly fade
A foggy brain emerges in its place
I can't help but think of the future
A shot glass to every beginning
And end
I sink deeper into the temptation
Sip by sip
My body begins to lose its control
As warm liquid fills my blood and lungs
I won't admit it
But instead of your kiss
Its the glass that touches my lips
Oct 15, 2016
Oct 15, 2016 at 12:00 AM UTC
The only one left listening is you.
You warm my blood and sting my throat as you ease my pain
The stronger you are the more you take away...
You caress my body as it begins to sway
Heating it with your very touch
You feel familiar in the pit of my stomach
Better than butterflies
My heart races just inhaling you
My dear friend, ethanol...
Oct 2, 2016
Oct 2, 2016 at 2:11 AM UTC