you know sweetie, I'd love to forgive you
I'd love to believe that
your intentions were the best
however I can't seem
to get this particular dream
out of my head
see, what I dream is
you saying "sorry, you were right"
"I didn't mean any of it"
"not even that one night"
I want to be validated
in my grief, I suppose
I want a reason behind
why this hurts so bad
after so long
because frankly you don't deserve this from me
you don't deserve anything from me
you made promises that you didn't even try to keep
you spat lies into my face
and apologized for things
that you planned on doing
the very next day
so don't you dare tell me
you're "sorry"
now I don't want an apology
instead I want nothing but guilt
and shame
for you
because just for once in your life
I want you to take responsibility
for the mistakes you made
and the choices you made
and the times that you actively decided
to douse my wounds with salt
I want you to feel the burning
that's been in my blood for the past ten months
if I have to burn,
well, baby,
you're gonna burn too
Aug 17, 2015
Aug 17, 2015 at 12:52 AM UTC
you're welcome.
welcome here.
welcome into my life
welcome into
my heaven and my hell
here
meet my demons
and the Angels
that help me fight them
welcome here
where music is sometimes
the only way I can feel
welcome to your new home
welcome to
a broken home that has
adopted habits and mannerisms that
make the walls sag
and groan
with pains
a home that fosters
echoing memories
welcome home to emptiness
aching
for fulfillment
welcome home to a mess on the floor
the kind that everyone else just stepped over and ignored
except you
you bent down and quietly picked up the shards of shattered beliefs
you showed them to me and said
"let's put this back together"
and we did
we sat at the coffee table
that before
was just another trip hazard
now serves
as the foundation
for the picture we're putting together
piece by piece
and suddenly
I'm laughing
and the walls are brightly colored
and there are windows open
to a grand sunrise and
for the first time
I realized
I had stopped holding my breath
because I didn't have to count to a million failures
to find
a fresh start
Jun 18, 2015
Jun 18, 2015 at 9:18 PM UTC
wake up
it's a cold sweat
but a red-hot dream
that stabbed you in the side
like a dull rusty blade
that nobody remembered to clean
breathe deep, it was just sleep
but what if you weren't quite free
what if the Deep called you back
and you found out what your brain
decided to keep
hidden between the neurons
you've forbidden yourself from
"look no further"
you tell yourself for the umpteenth time this week
but you know
it'll happen again
you don't know when
but soon
it'll be you and them
in the room where you bled
and not even in the way that gets
someone's attention
you're gonna claw
and you're gonna scream
but who will hear?
it's a mascot's dream
and while we're here
who's team are you on?
this dream won't just disappear
but it's not even a dream anymore
dreams don't leave you waking up sore
you have to get out
you have to escape
but wait
it looks likes there's some more
stop
not again
you've done this before
what's really difficult to ignore
and I'm just curious how
the light fades
right as the punch line rolls out
and maybe one day you'll get
that fists were never meant
for the inside of your skull
and maybe one day you'll know
that the inside of this hull was
compromised by those
overboard thoughts
the one's you mocked:
"it's probably nothing"
but it's not.
Jun 18, 2015
Jun 18, 2015 at 9:13 PM UTC
if you've never cried
while singing along to a song in your car
I highly recommend it
I recommend feeling your voice shake
as your mouth forms
the words your mind
knows by heart
I recommend screaming the lines
that hurt
the most
and letting the raw emotion
exist.
yes
you always feel like this
but today
I recommend
that you actually
let yourself
feel it.
Jun 18, 2015
Jun 18, 2015 at 9:11 PM UTC