this is how it happens
it's the last day the temperature will be
above thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit
until February
you're not looking at the date
it's just the end of November
the middle of the night in the middle of a road
at the end of November
the hum of this small town hurts your ears
you're stuck in a dream where everything you see
turns into a weapon
this is how it happens
you knocked back sharp, amber liquid
to make this place feel a little more okay
and it only worked halfway
no matter how soft the edges are
you bruise your hips when you
run into them in the dark
you're ******* on your fourth cigarette when
a police officer pulls over and asks
how you're doing today
in the too-bright white of the headlights
the sick taste of Red Stag sticks to
the roof of your mouth
the mouth that you're moving into a smile
the mouth exhaling plumes of smoke at the ground
you're okay
"i'm okay."
you don't tell him what you're really doing
you're really taking all of your
thoughts about stopping your pulse for a walk
you don't tell him you've been
chasing ambulances all night long
please, officer don't leave me alone, you don't say
he tells you to have a good night and drives away
and this is how it happens
the moon smiles at you with every single one
of its tiny, sharp teeth
nobody but your cat finds you in that bathtub
nobody but your cat watches you rise from red water
watches it drip drip drip
from every chasm carved in your left arm
nobody but your cat saw the soft animal of your soul
shiver from the cold that day
it's the first day the temperature
dropped below
thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit inside your chest
Dec 25, 2017
Dec 25, 2017 at 4:18 AM UTC
It haunts us, we are scared of it.
But we spend a lot of time thinking about it.
We walk around wanting it.
It drives us, makes us passionate.
Ditch everything we know just to chase it.
Wake up the next morning hoping to revisit.
It is different for each person, and we try to make the most of it.
Next year we make a bunch of promises, and swear to it.
No more this, no more that, but more of it.
Finally be the person we want to be, get really fit.
Time passes by, we forget it.
Maybe next year we will regret it.
Once you look around, you will remember it.
Slow things down, take a glance, it will hit.
Every second counts, do not ever quit.
You only get it once, before you split.
It is called life, cherish it.
Oct 23, 2017
Oct 23, 2017 at 1:04 PM UTC
you said you loved me,
a single lilac among others.
prettier, you said.
sweeter, softer.
you loved my delicacy,
sense of solitude,
my endearing growth.
however,
sprouts whither,
and I find
myself asking
why must you
always turn back
to smell
the roses.
Jul 20, 2017
Jul 20, 2017 at 11:40 AM UTC
*It was nothing.
It was friendship.
It was infatuation.
It was guilt.
It was love.
It was home.
It was our life.
It was our way of life.
It was another.
It was anger.
It was pain.
It was loneliness.
Now it's...*
Jun 30, 2017
Jun 30, 2017 at 12:55 AM UTC
He kissed her goodnight.
A brush of liquored breath.
"Sweet dreams, I love you."
Slurred words of comfort.
He stumbles to the couch.
In search of the bottle half empty.
Guzzling liquid to stifle a cry.
Drunken thoughts hit him.
Sobs rise up his throat.
*No, just *****
Heave after heave rack his body.
Weak and spent he slumbers at last.
She's tired.
Brushing hair away from his face.
She's sad.
A blanket to keep him comfortable.
She's angry.
Cleaning the mess so he wont remember.
She loves him.
"You're my best friend. I could never hate you. I'm here for you. I will take care of you. I love you."
May 4, 2017
May 4, 2017 at 10:31 PM UTC
Lean, limp, and covered in hair,
Holding him close I watched his blank stare.
Powerful poison to start the fall,
A swift injection to end it all.
Pain was the first to touch my heart,
Screaming in horror, it tore me apart.
A mass of anger followed so close,
Welcoming lover, a lethal dose.
Take me away dear firey friend,
Smother my pain - a hand you shall lend.
In my lap lay my Sun oh so still,
Tears to your body from eye they spill.
Blame on the one who is to protect,
Sleepless nights are what I expect.
Body to ashes, soul set free,
"I love you little one" - Mommy.
May 2, 2017
May 2, 2017 at 8:34 PM UTC
I encountered you on Queenston.
A fitting place for a Monarch.
Formed roots asked to be retouched for pale yellow hair.
A volatile liquid to be consumed for enjoyment.
Embarking on a journey of joy and anger. Blossoming love and constant pain.
Secrets to be kept from the so-called "immaculate one".
But yet your feelings were not spared.
Taking the side of who we call a misunderstood monster.
Remember everything we talked about?
Remember the hateful words and angry gestures she created between us?
Nonetheless, you forgave.
Forgave us for hurting her and you.
Then came a day that I was no longer invited to be a part of your life.
Trying to be a decent human, trying to cause as little pain as possible, following my heart while breaking others, do you understand?
You beautiful, soulful, golden goddess. Do you?
During the chaos you found your heart with a voyage across seas.
Drowning in bliss, forgetting all turmoil.
Now we sit here without your companionship.
Empty and sorrowful.
Reminded through memories of what was once a great bond.
You deserve everything life has to offer.
I hope it's as adventurous as you need it to be.
I'm happy for you. I wish you the best. And I still love you.
Apr 17, 2017
Apr 17, 2017 at 4:23 PM UTC
You cannot leave me
with the ropes you left
trailed across
the bed where you
loved me to exhaustion
You cannot leave me
with just the
thoughts of
wanting yet more
bonds restraining me
You cannot leave me
wanting such pain
as you gave to
me when you bound
me in your special way
You cannot leave me
needing cords to
hold me down
while you look at me
with tender lust
You cannot leave me
with freedom I do
not want or need
unless you are here
to give me your restraint
You cannot leave me
free to crave
Your ropes
till you return
to tie me yet again
You cannot leave me until
I beg for you again
to force me to
be what I want to
be for you my love
Francesca Anderssen 2016
Aug 25, 2016
Aug 25, 2016 at 4:16 PM UTC
Talking to yourself in the mirror is more of a religious experience than getting on your knees and whimpering to the sky.
Today, 6:36 am, I got up and said "Good morning, Green Eyes, let's forget."
Getting home, 2:36, I wiped the blood from my front teeth and said "Good going ***** crying in class? What are you made of?" Sticks and stones, I thought. Sticks and stones.
A droning sound.
A year ago, you swallowed pills and opened your thighs, air crawling into places that air should never have the privilege (read: incredible misfortune) of touching, holding. I laid in bed, shined a laser pointer at my door for hours with "Goodbye Cruel World" on rickety repeat.
Goodbye cruel world, I'm leaving you today. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
A year ago, you took pictures of your snapped veins, wishbone fingers still gripping a razor, you smiling. I threw up.
Goodbye all you people.
My friend is going through what I did, caring. Caring a lot. Caring into the school guidance department and caring into crying the whole day. Caring until she can't sleep. Caring until the morning to repeat the cycle. Caring, slowly bleeding out/dying/wishing you were God, same thing.
There's nothing you can say.
I feel bad, I feel bad that your wrist split open. I want to butterfly stitch it for you, hold you, brush your hair back, and back, and back.
To make me change my mind.
What's the point in killing yourself anyway? Right. So I'll do it for you.
Goodbye.
Aug 25, 2016
Aug 25, 2016 at 2:29 PM UTC
I see the way she see's you, but i don't understand
Everything you do, giving your all, asking for guidance; afraid of the fall
Such harsh words, such meaningless looks; so strange because with all the good things i have to say about you i could fill books
Unappreciated, Overlooked; I think her life with you in it is overbooked
She wants your everything including your all, but i so often see how she can make you feel so small
Such a brilliant mind, and such sweet eyes, i always enjoy our lingering goodbyes
I hope you don't feel stuck, i really hope you're in love
Aug 25, 2016
Aug 25, 2016 at 12:07 PM UTC