nothing to feel except anger and resentment
putting the cards on the tabl is me, my soul, my will.
There you were so perfect by definition, i thought I was your only one on the horizon
after discussing my wants and needs
you said no problem
even without a plea.
My fear did not go away though, only increased with time.
Building,into pressure, my anxiety
to be only confirmed after investigation.
Just be honest is all that I said
Justbe_honest is that I read.
Anger and frustration filled my soul to the brim.
Bright Crimson was splatted on my face, nothing to show but my raw emotions
For that realization that I was captured in the web of lies you weaved.
6 hours,
6 ******* hours it took for you to check in,
Just to be on the safe side.
Feeding me more lies
Wanting me to continue to relinquish my power
My will.
To take pity on you ?
Ha maybe in another place and time but not now.
You know what you did for you to be alone at the end.
Now I start calling the shots to make myself happ
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 10:36 PM UTC
Huggy bear,
Snuggy bear,
I want you
I cannot bear
This situation-ship,
Neither of us can agree on
One things certain
It won't be long before I'm goneI
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 10:31 PM UTC
Prospects in life seem dim and grim
I wish I could feel a way that I haven't for so long
Without care or worry in a world
But life
Crashes down on me, like the tide hitting the shore, one wave at at a time,
Like the abyss,mysterious and treacherous
Nothing but darkness,
If I made it that far, perhaps my emptinesld not shear me to the bone. I have found one true thing that can be with me
Together forever.
Vast in sea, I gaze into my reflection,but nothing to feel except true hatred and disgust.
To think to be alone would be so alleviating but in reality degrading.
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 10:29 PM UTC
I hate you
I love you
Maybe it’s not good enough to be true.
I know enough
With the waters this rough.
I’m just not happy like I used to
Mad and angry resentful and sappy.
I’m tired of caring, pouring my heart,
It’s bleeding.
The ****** of blood from my wrists
Drip down my arm
And kids ?
The moral of the story is not to be told
But experienced and forever alone.
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 10:24 PM UTC
The taste of your mouth.
The bittersweetness hurts me
To the point of agony.
Sep 17, 2016
Sep 17, 2016 at 3:03 PM UTC
Look at me
My skin
Has dealt with a lot
I have lived through
Tumors and attacks
Cuts and bruises from me
Bruises from him
My poor skin
In the end
This damage is
All for naught
Because
*"Scars are only **** on guys..."*
Aug 18, 2016
Aug 18, 2016 at 6:10 PM UTC
The birds chanting to wish me good morning,
Sitting on the back porch,
With the flowers adorning
the suns presence.
Taking this moment to appreciate
Life and all it gives,
Too often we take advantage of how we live.
It's hard to get out of bed at the break of dawn
To remember how the birds sing their songs.
We must silence our ego
In order to let go
Of the pain that create this sorrow, Maybe not today but tomorrow.
To have the Strength to let the dusk leave us behind.
The sun eclipses
As we sip this fine wine from our lips.
To cradle us to sleep
Until the morning glory wakes us
From this deep entrance .
Prepared for the day for our soul
To dance.
Aug 18, 2016
Aug 18, 2016 at 7:09 AM UTC
I was reaching, reaching for something that wasn't there.That sense of security with your arms wrapped around me, now but they were idle by your side.
There is no way to confront the reality in front of me.
Your face that once had a grimacing half smirk now turned to a frown of despair.
It is almost as if you vanished into thin air.
Somedays I’m strong.
Somedays I’m weak
and on those vulnerable days I just want to tell you all about it, but how that would be irony.
You’re the reason of all my pain,
so why do I want to chase that?
Why do I think I need that?
I look outside the window pane, just like the the movements of the bus’ wheels turn round and round, so does my thoughts consume my mind, reliving every moment in agony,
WHY did I do that?
Why?
Because I’m better off this way.
I’m better off living without him,
I’m better off not intermixing my emotions and complexity of the situation especially since he's not ready for.
So why waste my time,
if money is no object than why did he flee?
Off in the distance without a t
race.
ethnicity.
We simply were not meant to be.
Dec 30, 2015
Dec 30, 2015 at 10:14 PM UTC
When I think one way
the outcomes are all but the same.
Living with the repetition that resides in my head.
Disappointment
Resentment
Guilt
Shame
Makes me think that they're all right
and imperfectly the same.
Perhaps I am ill
for if I come to terms
what will be of me?
Could I live the my life
suffering alone?
I’d rather live alone
than voice my openness
about my
broken/ness.
Nov 25, 2015
Nov 25, 2015 at 9:47 PM UTC
why did i do this?
all the progress now dismissed,
i miss you, i love you, i can’t live without you.
i knew this was too true.
the wanting the yearning the ever blurring,
lines between us, perhaps even the falling is blessed.
I was your sweet succulent honey that you can’t get enough of. Good for you, good for your soul, the taste capitulates the lips around, glueing them shut so you can’t make a sound.
It’s all you needed, that little sweetness,
but honey is oh so bad for the bittersweetness.
for I am your queen, you’re life revolves around me to get one last taste of that golden empress.
You’ll do anything for that dopamine.
When you’re on that high, nothing seems to matter,
but why?
Can’t you see that intensity made you something, you’re not meant to be.
you’ve pushed your luck.
That honey bee just isn’t coming back. She’s stung you. Bled you, and now deserted you.
Wounded your soul, but little did you know, she’ll die too.
Her stinger forever in you, while you can go on,
a part of her will slowly die
in your bloodflow.
Sep 30, 2015
Sep 30, 2015 at 5:42 PM UTC