I want this life to read like an intricate novel. I don’t want to keep sitting at a computer all day while the romance of life slips through my arthritic fingers. They are meant to write beautiful prose that flow over our souls and cover them with golden warmth.
Yet they are tippy-tappy typing away at exhausting, unimaginative emails with signatures like “warmest regards” to cover how calloused my heart has become.
Sitting in this comfortable space behind a giant screen where nothing can hurt me is crippling. We were meant to embrace the love this earth holds us in. We are supposed to bathe in rivers, meet strangers in different cities, and learn to fall. My knees should have scrapes, my elbows bruised from stumbles I take on dirt roads and motorbikes.
While my bones are intact, my life is what is breaking.
May 22, 2022
May 22, 2022 at 9:26 PM UTC
I, no I mean WE will not be defeated.
Now, hope might seem depleted
But I promise that at the end of the tunnel there is a light,
It might be small and barley in sight,
But it is there and it beckons for us to hold on,
Hold on to each other: our friends, our sisters, our brothers,
Because in a world full of hateful slurs,
Where name calling and bullying still occurs,
We need to see each other as more than just negative labels,
It is up to us to look into the eyes of hate and turn the tables,
You might look at that person different than you and call them names,
But all you do is lose sight of, that despite you trying to give them a new one, their name is James.
And James is a fricking genius. No he really is. He is solving high school math problems in the 3rd grade,
And that little James plays Behtoveen on the piano like it has never been played,
But you missed out on all his amazing talents and the best hug you will ever get,
Because you were too busy trying to impress your friends, not worried who you’d upset.
It is time to learn there are a thousand better words than ******** or gay,
And most of y’all who use them don’t even know what they mean anyway,
So I will fight on to spread the word to end the word,
And no matter how many times they try and break us down,
I will never be deterred,
Because for the one’s I’ve known who are affected by this kind of speech,
For the kids I see every day, the students I teach,
I want them to live in the kind of place,
Where we give up hate and learn to embrace
So if you are with me, make the change today,
Buy a dictionary, find a better word to say.
Feb 15, 2018
Feb 15, 2018 at 1:17 AM UTC
She was the hardest love I ever held.
Constantly berating herself based on her fears,
The cruelty of others had guarded her heart from loving,
Lie by lie, brick by brick they built walls around her,
She hid behind the pain of past lovers and false friends,
Unwilling to trust again.
She was the hardest love I ever held.
I tried to demolish her walls that caged her in,
But as I tried to, she built them higher and heavier,
Until they tumbled into debris under their own weight,
And there she was. Scared. Beautiful. Innocent. Guilty.
Unwilling to trust herself.
She was the hardest love I ever held,
But I’ve held her every day I’ve lived.
May 27, 2016
May 27, 2016 at 3:32 AM UTC
Childhood memories flood through my mind,
Growing happiness and deep guilt are now intertwined,
I trace your image on the inside of my teary eyes,
I shut them tight and try to eternally crystalize,
Your laughter, your love and your loyal heart,
I never thought there would be a day you would part,
I called you family and I admired you deeply,
I regret the distance in the end that was between you and me,
I will miss your jokes and welcoming smile,
The care and kindness you showed me as a juvenile,
How you were there to watch us all grow,
Your quirks and dedication we all came to know,
I will miss the love you showed my family,
And how in return we loved you endlessly,
I know that heaven has embraced your sweet voice,
And down here you will forever be remembered as family-
As our loving Joyce.
Jan 25, 2016
Jan 25, 2016 at 10:33 AM UTC
I never really learned to play all the other kids’ games,
I was too busy licking wounds from branded names,
I never stole or harmed or even cheated,
So why am I always the one mistreated?
She can put you through hell and make you walk on fire,
But she keeps you trapped in her twisted desire,
I am standing here with my heart in your hands,
Making all these empty-promised plans,
Ones you are willing to give up for her,
Still menacingly caught in her deceitful allure,
Don’t lead me on to wring me out- high and dry,
Don’t tell me these secrets that do more than imply,
I know that I built this kingdom of ours to fall,
I knew she had you spell bound in her devilish enthrall,
So here I am once again left to unwind the thread I pull,
Forever to roam the games people play an outcast; unloveable.
Jan 11, 2016
Jan 11, 2016 at 12:43 PM UTC
How cruel it was to meet you,
Each moment away breaks me,
Down into tiny pieces,
Now I feel so small,
Laying in this bed for two,
Grasping pillows,
Longing for you.
Oct 29, 2015
Oct 29, 2015 at 6:38 AM UTC
I don’t know what I want but I want it real,
I want to be shaken inside until I feel,
How fast the earth spins while standing still,
How deep the ocean swallows the surface,
And if we really all have some sort of purpose,
Or are we all just floating specks in space,
Unrecognizable ants, each with a sad little face?
Stumbling. Bumbling. Dazed and confused,
Passion and vibrance so often diffused,
By the fear we will never get what we want,
I should have never read the small font.
Sep 15, 2015
Sep 15, 2015 at 10:51 AM UTC
You never really came home
Did you, my love?
Tortured memories from hell below
As you prayed to above.
You were boys sent to fight a rich man's war
As they greedily drank the blood you poured
While the nightmares drained every last drop of you
Exhausted by the torment they put you through.
Friends. Brothers. Lovers.
Now all scattered parts across a foreign land
Their ashes set deep within the dry desert sand.
Vivid memories now stir you in the night
The fearful flames in your eyes shining so bright
And I see you trying to drown out the mournful flame
Yet you hide the whiskey on your breath with endless shame
As I conceal my bruised body and battered heart
I love you but was never fit to play such a part.
So in my anguish - I acknowledge yours
Filled with anger for the innocence that once was our
Now cruelly trapped behind these post-war bars.
Aug 6, 2015
Aug 6, 2015 at 1:13 PM UTC
My soul is a wandering, weary thing
Fickle by nature with no sign of slowing down,
It thrusts me into breathless danger,
But innocence is no longer blind.
Oct 24, 2014
Oct 24, 2014 at 4:09 AM UTC
When the haze of how we met finally cleared,
And your broken heart weighed heavier than it appeared,
When the nicotine air was overcome by a sweaty aroma,
And I awoke from my whisky-induced coma,
I remember seeing your face among the smoke,
And for once I felt someone hearing the words I spoke,
The long talks of fantasy and timeless novel,
Turned quickly into fear and endless grovel,
How you decorated your room with blood soaked artillery,
The long hours spent in your bathtub distillery,
All the while I offered you my heart,
To love you no matter the distance you put us apart,
Met only with your constantly draining rejection,
I came to find I was only part of your bed post collection,
But how I longed to feel your warmth once more,
The longing for you grew me tired and sore,
I thought you would never reciprocate my affections,
I placed my worth in your pathetic erections,
And now you ask me to stay- to love you in another state,
Oh but my dear this love is too much too late,
I cannot love someone I can never see,
I cannot love someone who could never love me.
Oct 15, 2014
Oct 15, 2014 at 4:33 AM UTC